Lord Summoner's Freedom Philosophy: Grimoire of Love
Chapter 332: Wilhelmina’s Unease (1) What am I doing...?

Chapter 332: Wilhelmina’s Unease (1) What am I doing...?

The soft clinking of teacups and the muted sound of papers shuffling filled the small official office nestled in the outer part of Grafen’s castle. The early afternoon sun streamed through the windows, casting a warm glow over the group of eight newly hired officials seated around the large, oak table. They listened intently, hanging on Wilhelmina’s every word as she outlined their responsibilities. Her voice, calm yet authoritative, resonated with the weight of her noble upbringing. Though they had only recently been recruited, Wilhelmina found some solace in the fact that they were quick learners.

"You will manage the local taxation processes," she instructed one of the women, pointing to a stack of ledgers on the table. "I expect weekly reports on all collections. Make sure no details are overlooked."

The woman, a slender figure with sharp eyes, nodded quickly, her hand already moving to jot down the instructions in her notepad.

Turning to a young man who had been tasked with overseeing the domestic workforce, Wilhelmina continued, "Ensure the castle staff is well organized. We’re still short-handed, so efficiency is key. I want all departments running smoothly despite our numbers."

The man, with a look of determination, gave a curt nod. "Understood, Lady Wilhelmina."

It was fortunate, Wilhelmina thought, that these new officials had adapted so quickly. Yet, even with their swift understanding of their roles, the fact remained that they were understaffed. Eight people were barely enough to cover the breadth of administrative duties required for a barony as vast as Grafen. There were so many details, so many tasks that required attention. From managing the outer territories to handling day-to-day affairs within the castle itself, it was an overwhelming responsibility for such a small group.

But after a few more minutes of detailing the logistics of their duties, Wilhelmina dismissed the officials for the afternoon. As the last of them bowed and left the room, the hustle of activity began to fade into the quiet hum of the castle. Finally, she could take a moment to herself, to breathe.

Or so she thought.

Wilhelmina sank into one of the high-backed chairs near the window, staring out over the bustling courtyard below. The people of Grafen went about their day, seemingly at ease under Lyan’s rule. Yet, as she sat there, the stillness of the room gave way to a rush of thoughts. The quiet of the office began to feel almost suffocating.

What am I doing here? The thought struck her like a sudden gust of wind. She was supposed to be helping Lyan, wasn’t she? Yet, here she was, managing paperwork and overseeing officials as if she were some sort of glorified assistant. This was not what she had envisioned.

Her hand reached for the teacup on the table beside her, but she hesitated. What am I doing here, she thought again, more insistently this time. This was all wrong. She wasn’t supposed to be stuck in an office, no matter how important the work seemed. Her place was in the Kasmira Kingdom, her home, with her people.

Wilhelmina closed her eyes, gripping the armrests of the chair tightly as frustration began to build in her chest. She had set out on a journey to reclaim her land, her people, and her title. That was her goal, wasn’t it? To regain everything she had lost when her kingdom fell. And yet... here she was, surrounded by ledgers and reports. Not a single step closer to her homeland.

The image of Lyan suddenly flashed in her mind, a memory of his calm, calculating gaze, his powerful presence that seemed to overshadow everyone around him. She had thought—no, she had feared—that Lyan was in danger when she came to Grafen. That something terrible had befallen him, and she had to be by his side. But when she arrived, she realized how far from the truth that was.

He was thriving. Flourishing, even.

Not only had Lyan secured a territory for himself, but he had also built an entire domain with a castle, servants, a skeleton army, and now even living statues under his command. He had conquered challenges she had never even dreamed of facing as a noble.

And what am I doing? The question gnawed at her again. Here, in Grafen, she wasn’t a noble leader—she wasn’t even truly part of the nobility anymore. She was more like... a mistress. The word left a bitter taste in her mouth.

No. That couldn’t be right. She wasn’t even that. After all, she had never given herself to Lyan—not in the way that Alina, Belle, or Josephine had. Her face flushed at the thought, a sudden warmth rising to her cheeks. She hadn’t laid with him... so could she even be considered one of his mistresses? Was she merely an observer? A hesitant onlooker too afraid to make the decision?

"What the hell am I doing?" she muttered aloud, her voice filled with self-directed frustration. The sound of her own voice startled her, breaking the silence of the room.

One of the young female officers, a petite woman with dark curls, happened to be passing by the doorway. She paused, noticing Wilhelmina’s flushed cheeks and the faraway look in her eyes. "Lady Wilhelmina? Are you feeling alright? You seem a bit... red."

Wilhelmina straightened immediately, forcing a smile. "I’m fine," she said quickly, waving her hand dismissively. "Just... just lost in thought."

The officer hesitated, clearly concerned, but after a moment, she bowed politely and continued on her way. Once the woman was gone, Wilhelmina let out a long sigh, leaning back in her chair. Mistress, the word repeated in her mind again, mocking her.

Unlike her best friend, Solia, who had already given herself to Lyan, Wilhelmina remained in this strange limbo. Solia, who had been a fellow slave like her from the Redania Empire, had joined Lyan’s side completely. She had embraced the life here in Grafen, even going so far as to form connections with the local hunters and townspeople, engaging with the community as if it were her own.

Solia had given herself to Lyan. Her loyalty, her devotion, even her body. It wasn’t something she was ashamed of, and Wilhelmina admired her for that. Solia had always been brave, decisive. And here she was, claiming her place at Lyan’s side without hesitation. But she’s been holding because of her as well.

But Wilhelmina?

No, she held herself back. Whether it was pride or fear, she wasn’t sure anymore. But that hesitation gnawed at her. She watched from a distance as the others formed their bonds with Lyan, each of them building something with him. Even Alina, Belle, Xena, and Josephine—each of them had chosen to give themselves fully to him, to become part of this strange, new world they were creating together.

And here she was, stuck between two worlds. Not quite a noble anymore, and yet not fully committed to Lyan either. What the hell am I doing?

The thought repeated in her mind, over and over again, as she stared out of the window, watching the people of Grafen go about their day. It should have been easy. She had once been a proud noblewoman, a leader in the Kasmira Kingdom. She had commanded armies, managed estates, and ruled over her people with grace and authority.

But now... she didn’t know where she stood. Was she still a leader? Or was she merely a shadow of her former self, clinging to the past while the world moved on around her?

The sound of footsteps brought her back to reality. Another officer entered the room, carrying a stack of reports. "Lady Wilhelmina, the weekly trade reports from the outer territories," he said, offering her the documents.

Wilhelmina took the papers with a nod, but her mind remained elsewhere. As the officer left the room, she glanced down at the reports in her hands, her vision blurring slightly as the words on the page seemed to fade into the background.

I came here to help him... but I can’t even help myself.

With a deep breath, Wilhelmina stood from her chair and set the reports aside. She needed to clear her head. The office, the castle, the responsibilities—they all felt like chains, binding her to a life she wasn’t sure she wanted anymore. What she needed was clarity.

And maybe, just maybe, she needed to stop hesitating.

Maybe it was time to embrace what was right in front of her.

Wilhelmina let out a long, deep sigh, feeling the weight of her thoughts pressing down on her chest. The decision she had been avoiding for so long hovered in her mind like a dark cloud, and yet, for once, she knew what she needed to do.

With renewed determination, she stood up from her chair, her hand brushing over the reports she had just set aside. I need to talk to him.

Without another word, she exited the office and made her way through the castle’s dimly lit corridors. The hum of activity faded into the background as her mind focused solely on one person—Lyan.

As she moved through the hallways, her feet unconsciously took her toward the courtyard. It was there that she saw Abraham Maxilton, standing tall despite his age, his white hair shining faintly in the afternoon sun. He was instructing several maids on their duties, his gentle voice carrying across the space. The sight of him brought an unexpected warmth to Wilhelmina’s heart. There was something about Abraham’s demeanor that always made her feel grounded, as if he were a constant, calming presence amidst the chaos.

He really does feel like a grandfather, she thought, her lips curving into a small smile. Without even realizing it, she had started to think of him the same way Ravia and Raine did. They affectionately called him Gramps, and somehow, the name had slipped into her mind too. Before she knew it, she was standing beside him.

"Gramps?"