I Reincarnated as a Noble Bastard, So I'm Seducing All the Villainess
Chapter 29: The Perfect Plan To Piss Off The Devil

Chapter 29: The Perfect Plan To Piss Off The Devil

I don’t really trust people, and lucky me, because Ravenna’s telling me about our escape plan from the Scorn makes me want to rip my own head off.

To sum it up, the usual method of taking a secret wagon to some random dungeon is completely out of the question because the Libertarians are a secret group that watches every corner like security cameras. They’ll know the moment we disappear.

So, the best way to leave is through a series of old excavation tunnels below the Imperial City.

A long time ago, even before the train tracks were invented to move resources around, this place was a very rich mining site until it ran dry and everyone bailed. The tunnels are still there, but the problem is, we don’t know where each one ends up.

"Hold on, but what about that teleportation spell of yours? The one you used when we were being chased that brought us underground."

"I can’t use it. It’s a property of the dark spirit I have a contract with. Since that cursed inquisitor caused a lot of damage to our pet’s spiritual body, most of its powers are impossible to use... along with some of my spells."

Great, we lost our free ticket to freedom because the bone serpent is taking a nap.

We’re still in the room, for now at least, trying to figure out the best way to get out. By this point, the Libertarians must already know we’re here and that we hooked up all night because of all the noise. But the main question remains: how do we shake them?

We’ll be killed the moment we do anything different, like getting into a wagon or hiding. That’s enough to make me pee my pants with fear.

"And we can’t get help from anyone until we reach the surface... what can you do, Ravenna?"

"Cast lightning, fire, materialize shadows into physical form, see in the dark..."

"Is there any chance we could create two puppets of ourselves to walk around and distract those guys?"

"That might work if some people in the Libertarians couldn’t see in the dark. For them, the Scorn is as bright as a sunny day."

Damn it, what can we come up with? Maybe...

"What if... we fake our deaths?"

She raises an eyebrow, questioning my sanity. In normal situations, I’d question it too.

"And then we’ll be together forever in the afterlife? That won’t work; The queen idea is much better."

"You don’t got it. What I mean is to cause a disaster, enter a large or open space, and make everything collapse. Let’s be honest, neither you nor I care about the lives of the riffraff here. It doesn’t matter to us if they die or not, so we can cause a mess similar to the market and..."

"Darius, think about what you’re saying. We’re right below the Imperial City. If things down here collapse, what’s going to happen to the people up there? They’ll fall with it. I know you’re not some cute little hero, and I personally don’t care about the lives of the commoners, but you... I think you would."

Wow, she’s totally right. I didn’t think of that, and I’d feel like crap if I killed innocent people in the process. Frankly, I usually don’t care about the folks in the Scorn for two reasons: most are men, and I’m more a fan of guys who don’t enslave little girls... Wait, slaves?

Slavery is common in the criminal underworld, but it’s been abolished for years in the Imperial City. There’s a slave market nearby, I saw it when we were buying drinks and looking for a place to sleep, but there would be the danger of sacrificing them too.

"What are you thinking?" Ravenna asks, pouting slightly. "You suddenly got quiet."

"I’m thinking... maybe we don’t need to fake our deaths, but make someone else look dead in our place."

She looks at me like I just announced I’m running for the Imperial City throne dressed as a geisha. Better keep going, because if I overthink it, I’ll bail on my own idea, like half the world out there.

"Look, what if we get a couple of corpses, or nearly dead people, or, I don’t know, someone messed up enough to look like us after a fire or something. Leave the place in ruins, burn some documents, throw some of my clothes in there..."

"You want to convince me to use an old passion murder trick as an escape strategy? Swap bodies, pretend we were killed by some rival gang, and leave false clues?"

"Exactly that."

She opens a slight, wicked smirk, the kind that fills your heart with desire. I think she liked it, so much so that she fixes her bangs and narrows her eyes with a kind of comic relief.

"It’s low-level, but it could work, as long as the person is more powerful than us. I’m still a witch, remember? I can fry most normal people with a snap of my fingers and walk away from most conflicts unharmed, meaning it can’t just be anyone."

"Like Leonhardt? Or one of the Inquisitors?"

"Better. Like... a demon."

Just hearing that makes the hairs on my ass stand up. Is she kidding me? Start messing with the devil now? No, no, I’ve already had my fill of spirits with that bone snake. That’s enough for me.

"Hold on, hold on, hold on. You want us to face a demon? A demonic demon? One of those red, horned ones?"

"Not all demons are red and horned, Darius. Some are a wheel, others are a fish... but I think you wouldn’t understand. The good news is we’re in luck. There’s exactly one person who fits that description, famous in the area, owner of a large auction house."

"Still, isn’t that too crazy? A demon is terrifying as hell! What do we do if it tries to get us?!"

"We run!"

"That’s your answer?!"

Hah. Why did I agree to make a plan with this airhead? I’m even more incredulous that I’m still so confident we can pull this off. That’s what scares me the most!

"Ravenna, are you listening to me? I said ’demon’. D-E-M-O-N. This isn’t like... breaking into a vault or stealing a magic ring from a drunk noble. We’re talking about a creature that feeds on souls, tortures people for sport, and turns bones into musical instruments!"

She looks at me like she’s bored with my tantrum.

"You’re being dramatic. Not every demon is that gothic cliché you just described. Some just want to bargain for power, others thrive on influence and fear. And the one I’m talking about is specifically Lord Karthak, the ’Flesh Merchant.’ He doesn’t kill people, he just buys."

"Oh, great, a capitalist demon. What could go wrong? He’ll offer a contract for my soul so I never have to pay compound interest for the rest of my life?"

Ravenna leans forward, resting her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers under her chin, with that lively glint in her eyes that only appears when she’s about to propose something ridiculously dangerous.

"The plan is simple: we go to his auction house, try to grab something and also buy two slaves. Then we cause a little trouble to anger the Lord. He has an aggressive temper, which is perfect for burning everything down. We’ll leave enough traces to make it look like we were devoured by fire, cursed, or dragged to hell. Then we just escape through the tunnels and hope no one comes to hunt us."

"You know if that bastard finds out we just used him, he’s gonna come after us with a trident to poke our butts, right?"

"That’s why we’ll offer something to appease Lord Karthak’s anger, something simple."

I fall silent for a moment, observing the way she speaks. What does she mean, there’s something this devil wants? We’re completely broke, all the money yesterday was spent on too much wine!

By reflex, I protect my own body, feeling what she wants to do.

"Ravenna... what do you have that a demon would want?"

"A fragment of my dark spirit’s essence."

Huh? You can do that?

"You’re going to give him a piece of your pact?"

"A fragment. Nothing that compromises my power, just enough for him to think he got something rare. These demons are obsessed with contracts and essences to the point of collecting them. Usually, they use them to show off to each other, like a noble showing off medals at a ball."

This is going too far. Of course, this subject isn’t covered in Sword of The Iron Maiden because the focus is always on the protagonist and his crusade against villains, not on the nuances between spirituality and the bizarre contracts between beings from other dimensions.

I sigh and run a hand over my face. Looks like we’re going to have to go with this plan.

"Okay... you’re the boss. It’s the only way to try this."

She stands up with a snap of her knees, picks up her boot from the floor, and puts it on with the elegance of a queen going to war.

"Darius?"

"Hm?"

"If this goes wrong, I promise I’ll resurrect you just to help me escape again."

"How romantic." I roll my eyes, while searching for anything in the room that could serve as a weapon, even a rusty nail. "Can’t wait to become a zombie."