I Only Want to Lie Flat But Am Forced to Cultivate Immortality
Chapter 277 - 153: Laying Plans and Sending Off

Chapter 277: Chapter 153: Laying Plans and Sending Off

...

Outside the Hundred Herbs Cave, Xu Qing sat by the stone ledge, watching as a flower snake held a clay pot in its mouth, pouring tea into the cup before him.

Xu Qing observed the tea flowing past the snake’s fangs into the tea cup, and thought, luckily he’s a zombie; if it were anyone else, a sip of this would surely knock them flat.

"What kind of tea is this?" Xu Qing sniffed the cup. As a zombie, he rarely drank tea, but this tea seemed unusual.

"It’s morning dew collected by the little Willow Immortals from the flowers and plants in the mountains. I’ve heard that humans who cultivate also consume this, so I use it for hospitality. I hope the guest doesn’t mind."

Xu Qing took a small sip, his expression turning peculiar, "How do they collect this dew?"

The little flower snake seemed unaware of the seriousness of the situation, replying matter-of-factly, "Naturally, with the snake’s mouth."

...

Are you sure this isn’t your saliva?

Seeing Xu Qing put down the tea cup, the small flower snake felt a bit embarrassed, "We often eat frogs and mice, unlike other immortals who drink refined water and red liquor, which we can’t stomach."

"Thinking it over, only this flower dew and some wild fruits are suitable for welcoming guests."

Xu Qing bared his teeth, pondering that they might as well serve him game instead.

As the zombie and snake chatted, soon a young village girl in a coarse white dress walked out from the cave entrance.

"Daoist Xu, it’s been a while."

Xu Qing listened to the familiar voice, surprised, "You are the White Immortal Lady."

The woman in a coarse white dress smiled shyly, then gracefully approached the stone ledge and sat opposite Xu Qing.

"Speaking of which, Daoist, you punished the evil person back then, eliminating the disgraceful elements among the immortals, for which I never properly thanked you."

"No need for that. Now I am also the Sect Leader of the Cat Immortal Hall, so these matters seem insignificant."

Watching the White Immortal Lady naturally pick up the tea cup and sip the ’saliva’ inside, Xu Qing felt her ethereal, unearthly image crumble instantly.

With something weighing on his mind, Xu Qing exchanged pleasantries briefly with the White Immortal Lady before directly asking about avoiding disaster.

"Last time, I met the Profound Jade Immortal of the Cat Immortal Hall, and it seems there are still some days before their disaster."

"It’s not early. Xuan Yu already has over four hundred years of cultivation; one cannot wait for the disaster to make plans. To be honest, I’m here this time to ask Daoist for advice on facing tribulations."

The White Immortal Lady pondered for a moment, then said, "A demon with five hundred years of cultivation will give birth to a demon core, and once the core forms, the lifespan can increase to a thousand years. However, this is not a conventional path and not tolerated by heaven and earth."

"To protect the cultivation fruit, one must resist the disasters sent from heaven." f.(r)eew ebnov\ll.com

"The disaster after five hundred years is called lightning tribulation. When I went through it, it coincided with heavenly Yin lightning. Though the process was perilous, Yin lightning is actually beneficial to demons. Coupled with the protection from incense offerings, I managed to safeguard my five hundred years of cultivation."

Xu Qing reflected, "In case it’s not Yin lightning, how should one get through it?"

The White Immortal Lady furrowed her brows, "If not Yin lightning, then it must be Yang lightning or Divine lightning."

"Yang lightning naturally restrains demons. If encountered, it means no affinity with immortality. But humans prefer Yang lightning and dislike Yin lightning, which is different from us."

"As for Divine lightning, of various kinds, I’ve only heard it’s a punitive lightning, focused on killing. Those struck by such lightning are usually bloodthirsty demons. A thousand years ago, a demon fell to Divine lightning in Xiangyin."

"Xiangyin?" Xu Qing frowned, "White Daoist, do you know what kind of demon it was?"

"It was reportedly a zombie. Such creatures are born like beasts. Even with five hundred years of cultivation, they still eat raw flesh, naturally not favored by the heavens."

...

Xu Qing quietly drank a sip of snake saliva to calm his nerves, realizing that in the face of Divine lightning, even the snake saliva now seemed less repulsive.

"White Daoist, according to your explanation, whether human or demon, facing lightning disaster seems to hinge on luck. If encountering compatible lightning, it’s easier to pass; if not, death is certain?"

The White Immortal Lady nodded, "Cultivating immortality is also cultivating fate. Just like humans are born to easily become immortals, but demons must learn human form and speech. To master human speech, they first learn bird language, requiring mastery of every bird language across four seas and nine continents before gaining human voice for transformation."

Finally, the White Immortal Lady looked at Xu Qing with some envy, "Daoist Xu, you are a natural immortal seed. Humans endure five hundred fewer years of hardship compared to demons. If noble or scholarly, they endure three hundred fewer years of toil."

"Sadly, people know immortals are good, yet few are willing to abandon worldly desires to focus on cultivation."

Listening, Xu Qing clicked his teeth, thinking others face two choices in tribulation, choosing between Yang and Yin lightning.

In his case, it’s three choices but only one correct answer.

How is a zombie supposed to survive!

Seeing Xu Qing’s displeased look, the White Immortal Lady smiled, "Daoist Xu indeed cares about the Profound Jade Immortal Family, but you needn’t worry too much. There’s still some time before Xuan Yu’s disaster. As long as the Cat Immortal Hall accumulates incense offerings, even if things go awry, it can offset the troubles somewhat."

Xu Qing sighed, "Thanks for your guidance, White Daoist. For now, this is all we can do."

As Xu Qing departed, the hundred-year-old flower snake slithered to the White Immortal Lady, tongue flicking, "Senior Xuan Yu has four hundred years of cultivation, but facing disaster is unpredictable. Sect Leader Xu is human and may not live long enough. What’s there to worry about?"

The White Immortal Lady chuckled and shook her head, "You don’t understand. Humans live shorter than demons, but always like to plan far ahead. When I..."

Stopping abruptly, the White Immortal Lady fell silent.

After a while, she sighed softly, then transformed into a pale giant python, returning directly to the cave.

...

In the following days, besides helping Sun Erzhuang secure the mortuary shop’s tenancy, Xu Qing also spent considerable effort drawing many talismans.

Aside from talismans, Xu Qing prepared numerous pills and even specifically bought a compass. All these were for the upcoming journey of the black jackdaw.

At the end of June, Linhe Wharf.

Xu Qing and Xuan Yu came to bid farewell to the black jackdaw.

"This is the Strength Pill, for use when strength wanes; this is the Cyan Essence Pill, a wonderful healing medicine; these are detoxification pills, cooling powder..."

"In the black pouch are Fireproof Talismans, in the white pouch are Confusion Talismans, in the red pouch are Ice Soul Talismans, and in the yellow pouch are Peace Talismans..."

"Grandpa Crow should keep these things within the incense Dharma Realm. If encountering danger, don’t conserve. Only living makes these items valuable."

The black jackdaw didn’t expect Xu Qing to prepare so much for him; he had never fought such a well-equipped battle before!

"Xu boy..."

Seeing the wordless expression on the black jackdaw, Xu Qing said with a smile, "Travelling requires wealth. Crow Grandpa is the anchor immortal of our Cat Immortal Hall. I certainly cannot let Crow Grandpa go unprepared."

Grandpa Crow took a deep breath, "Grateful for the Sect Leader’s trust, I’ll accept this mission as the anchor!"

"How long will Grandpa Crow be away?" Xuan Yu asked.

"Without the Sect Leader’s gifts, it might take a year or two, even uncertain whether I’d return. With them, more than half a year or as little as two or three months might suffice before I gallop back up the slope."

’Gallop back up the slope’ in mission terms refers to the immortal returning to the mountain; ’step down into the boot slope’ refers to the immortal descending the mountain.

Though old, the black jackdaw remained full of resolve and vigor.

"Facing mountains and rivers afar, may Grandpa Crow treasure every step."

Nodding at Xu Qing’s words, the black jackdaw then soared into the sky.

Hovering around the zombie and cat briefly, the black jackdaw cawed loudly, seemingly bidding farewell to its hometown.

Standing on the pier extending into the river, Xu Qing looked skyward and cupped his hands towards the circling black crow.

Beside him, Xuan Yu followed suit, also standing up like a child making a bow, raising his head and cupping his hands towards the sky.

Only when the black dot disappeared into the horizon did Xu Qing start his journey home.

Behind him, Xuan Yu followed closely, still turning his head now and then towards the sky beyond the pier.