I Am The Heroine's Father: The Cannon Fodder's Ascent
Chapter 81: Fear of Asura: Part 4

Chapter 81: Fear of Asura: Part 4

"What... I mean I had an insurance, so she must have gotten enough to go to college without much tension. She must have made new friends, people who cared for her, and moved on..." Johan said, his voice filled with uncertainty.

"Isn’t this a bit too optimistic? She loved you so much, she cared for you, and you died to save her, and now she can just move on? Isn’t that a bit... sad?" James said in a composed voice.

"I made the choice of dying. She doesn’t owe me anything. I don’t really want her to be stuck up on the past. It won’t bring me back to life, and I am doing fairly fine... it doesn’t change much." Johan said, narrowing his eyes, trying to figure out what James was trying to say.

"Wouldn’t it have been better if she thought about you daily, cried thinking about you, never smiled, or laughed again, just kept gazing at your pictures... eating bland food, just remembering you..." James’ voice grew lower, but it was extremely loud to Johan.

"No... why would I want her to be sad? Saving her won’t mean anything if she just died inside and became like a living corpse. I don’t want that. Not at all. I want her to be happy, laugh, fall in love, have people around her that take care of her when she is down, eating the best food, laughing, without... ever even thinking of me," Johan said through gritted teeth.

"But... I am you. You’re James. I am James. Or are you Johan?" James’ voice grew sinister, giving an icy feeling to Johan, "I know what you really want. You want her to think of you. Be grateful to you. For the rest of her human life, while you also want to enjoy your life here, and move on from her. You’re disgusting."

Johan felt a chill deep down his spine, his eyes widening with disbelief at how much James had changed in just a moment.

’He is not real. He is not real. I am just tired. He is just an illusion.’ Johan, instead of replying, kept repeating the same sentences in his mind.

"Oh, I am very real. I know everything about you. You should really use that knife, you know. Because an existence as shameful, disgusting as you... shouldn’t exist." James stood up from his seat, walking closer to Johan.

He slowly picked up the dagger from the ground, grinning. "Letting Acier go through that? Letting the wife you say you love get raped, tortured—and then still laugh with that maid, Olivia. And I know how you’re planning to confess, and placate Acier too, with those sweet devilish words, and maybe it will work too."

James slowly rubbed the dagger on the shivering body of Johan. "But, the fact won’t disappear. You’re a man who manipulated the people whom he should protect. Then, you proudly even accepted this fact in front of Radhaan—but do you actually even... believe it?"

"Answer me!? Do you, or do you not?" James shouted right in Johan’s ears, startling his eyes that were growing dizzy.

"I really would’ve come to Acier right away if that was possible, but it just wasn’t. You have to understand this—I would’ve just gotten caught by Radhaan, with Kirin and Sebastian’s then fate on my hands too. This was the only way. I will definitely make it up to her, I actually do love her... and Olivia..." Johan spoke fanatically, losing the usual cool he always had.

"All people are disgusting—like me, or even worse than me. I know it because I saw it. They are just too obligated by society that they put on a mask to hide the facts and their truest desires. So what if I accept my ugly? I am ugly and disgusting! But I know when to put on the right mask!" Johan’s voice unconsciously grew louder.

Johan, even in his past life, wasn’t the man to yell, as it made him look smaller and weaker—but now, he was losing his sense of sanity.

His situation wouldn’t have been that bad if not for the constantly increasing corruption, and Melodis’s holy aura getting lower and lower inside Johan’s physical body outside.

"Pathetic. You’re pathetic. So you also agree that you want Clara to suffer just because you chose to die for her. Maybe she even killed herself, and just know—that death will be on you and you alone." James’ mouth was right next to Johan’s left ear, both his arms holding Johan tightly.

"...No. Even if I am ugly, I am not that ugly. I know it. I would never wish her any harm. You can’t convince me otherwise. I have proof—I died for her. Do you think I wanted to die? I still clearly remember the pain of getting crushed under tons of kilograms. I was conscious through all the pain. It hurt like hell—" Johan’s voice lowered, his eyes locked in firmly with James’.

"I never regretted it. Not for a single second. Not in my new life. Not even when I was laying in the pool of my own blood. And even if I tried to regret it... I physically won’t be able to." Johan took a deep breath, trying to gain back his senses.

"You’re lying. It’s okay. Lie to yourself like the little bitch you are. I know you. I am you..."

200 years later~

Johan’s eyes looked empty, soulless. "N-No, it’s not... true. I know it isn’t. Please stop. I know it’s not true..." Tears and snot were covering his entire face and neck, and he talked through heavy sobs—the kind of sobs a dying goat had.

"James... Kill yourself!"

"Look how much pain you’re in. Look how much it hurts. It’s been so much time."

"No... I-I... promised Olivia..." Johan said hesitantly.

"Everything will stop. I will disappear. There will be no pain. No thoughts. You will actually have real peace. You don’t have to take the mantle of saving Acier. Saving Selene. Saving Theo. Withholding promises with that slave who hates you too. Let Kirin also die. Let Orihime die. Let Sebastian die."

[SYSTEM WARNING: DANGER TO HOST’S LIFE SENSED.]

[Self-destructive intent detected!! Heart function destabilizing, chances of heart attack: 99%]

"Just... give up."

A.N. = Alright, I think I just made the greatest Chapters ever. These two Chapters, oh my god—loved so, so much. Thank you everyone who’s been supporting me. I think we are finally getting to the next level, ’cause this was beautiful.

Discord: .gg/uXjPSCMwBZ

A lot of fun things here in the server like the philosophy channel, team roast nights, gaming weekends, book club, self-improvement club, anime club, music hub — just started yesterday so still building. You’ll be the first members and pillars of this epic creative community I have envisioned. Of course, character art will be there as well... NSFW too ahem. There are many things, and we are evolving every day. Come here and join this journey too :)