Flash Marriage: Shrewd Wife, Devious Husband
Chapter 90: The Tamed Monster

Chapter 90: The Tamed Monster

"Are you feeling bad for that night?" Marcella asked gently poking his cheek.

He lifted his brows in shock.

"Gloria told me..." Marcella wetted her lips.

She wanted to see his reaction. It appeared awfully convenient—the timing. She wondered if it too was Tony’s design.

But she didn’t want to think he was manipulating her. Gloria went to meet Tony on her own. Today was Gloria’s plan too. Tony looked a little disappointed to see her go.

She didn’t want to let the doubts get in the way of her happiness. She did have a wonderful day.

He looked away. "I was going to tell you..."

He pressed his lips and his eyebrows flinched. He looked uncomfortable. Marcella got out of his embrace and walked to the couch.

"A lot would have been different had I known, Tony..."

Marcella sighed. She was not the only one who was disappointed.

"You’re not mad at me?" Tony asked.

"For what?"

The slouch on his shoulder disappeared and he became tall like the withered flower getting fresh with a little water. Again, Marcella was amazed by the influence her words have on him.

He is thinking that she was unaffected by that night. It is true that knowing it was him has reduced the trauma in her head a little. But she was not entirely free.

She decided to come clean. He is her husband. They have a lot of years together. She didn’t want a repeat of that night. She didn’t like it then and she wouldn’t like it ever.

Tony sat by her side. "We need to talk about it, right?" he held her hand carefully.

He thought she was unaffected and was relieved a bit. But he could see that she was not all that calm. He will not blame her for what he did was that stupid and violent.

"I don’t mind you touching me, Tony. I am not that scarred by that night," she said.

Even when she was traumatized, it was not just that incident; it was everything that followed that made that experience a traumatic one.

"I just... Tony... I don’t know if I should be relieved or feel guilty for lying that night to my dad."

Tony squished her hand. "You’re not going to ask me why I did what I did? I thought... maybe you were protecting yourself by forgetting who it was... I was so scared to face you afterward. I am..."

Marcella could feel his hands shaking. She didn’t think he was scared but he was ashamed of himself. He was shivering out of shame. She’s never seen Tony like that.

She did not like it. Yeah, what he did was terrible. But it’s been years and he got punished for it by her father. Why should he feel shame?

No matter what her opinion was about him, she couldn’t see him in pain or in embarrassment. She herself didn’t realize that she is loving him beyond measure.

She has the heart to forgive him only because of her love for him.

"You can slap me," Tony said.

"Why? I lied about it. My father hit you, didn’t he...? Those scars on your back..."

Tony smiled. "I deserved death. Those scars are nothing."

"Why are you~"

"No, Birdie... You are the one I loved, and I could hurt you that badly. I lost my mind. I cannot take that very lightly. I have a monster inside me. I try my best but... I fear I might hurt you. But still... I want you..."

Marcella’s heart skipped a beat.

He loves me...

"Is that why you stayed away from me all these years?" she asked.

She leaned on his chest. She could see that he was suffering inside. But he was not willing to show his emotions to her. She didn’t want him to retreat back into his cocoon of hiding his true feelings. So, she hid her face and at the same time showed him that she was not scared of him by leaning on him.

If her little mannerisms cause profound effects on him, she didn’t want to make a wrong move.

"I thought I was not worthy of you at times. I stayed away from you because of guilt and also... I was proud. I was so sure I won’t lose you. I heard how much you loved me from your mouth. I was so sure. But then... "

"I left the house. I moved on..."

She didn’t want to rub salt in her wounds. But they needed to talk about it. She thought he had no feelings for her but he must have hidden it deep inside her heart and he expressed that desire that night unable to hold back. Not knowing it was him, she ran away.

"I really thought I was running away from someone else. But I... It has been you..."

"Always..." he rubbed her back. "Not everything is your fault. I won’t blame you for moving on. What assurance did I give you? You were open about your feelings. Be it asking for the kiss or... even that night, you didn’t hide your love. But I... I am the coward."

"I didn’t know... that’s true..."

Tony kissed her head. "I watched you with that guy, day after day, night after night, happy, and I...It was hard to accept. I’ve trained the monster inside me, Birdie. I won’t let that monster come out and hurt you anymore."

Marcella gently patted his chest, listening to his heartbeat.

So, this was the reason he stayed away. He wanted to tame the "monster" inside him.

By doing so, he’s become stronger. He’s become more dangerous.

And she found him more attractive. Maybe she always saw the monster lurking behind the smile. Maybe that was the mystique she was compelled to yearn and love.

Maybe she is into dangerous men. She did love her father more than anything. Her father was nothing but dangerous. He too had tamed his monster and knew when to set it out to annihilate his enemies.

Maybe she did marry her father because she loved her father.

And...

Maybe it’s not that bad.

"I learned a valuable lesson. I cannot stay back and expect anything to fall into my lap by itself. I have to... work... Otherwise, I will lose it."

Marcella wondered if he was talking about her or something else. If he was talking about her, what "work" did he put up to pull her to him?

Could he have arranged that threat to her life by himself? Did he hurt me to get me?

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. She didn’t want to think unnecessarily.

"Why did you lie to Don that night? I thought you would definitely...I thought that you did that to protect me from your dad."

"You thought I knew it was you and ran away?" Marcella looked at him.

"You wouldn’t have?" Tony chuckled. His laugh held awe of her surprise at his thought and mockery of her enthusiasm to deny his thought. He looked happy on the whole.

Marcella returned to lean on his chest, this time to hide her face from him.

"I wanted to hurt you..." she said after a while. "I wanted to let you know that I moved on and willingly slept with another guy. It was a repayment for refusing to kiss me that night," she clenched her jaws as Tony’s fingers caressing her hair stopped.

"You’re not the only one hiding demons, Tony. I’m no angel..."

Tony let out a deep breath. Marcella shut her eyes tightly as if that would let everything around her pause. She already regretted being so open about her feelings.

Tony smiled.

They talked about demons and angels that day.

Love... Love can bring out the demons inside, who’d have known?

His love let his demon out and made him attack her, and her love did the same.

"We are similar, aren’t we, Marcella?" he wrapped his arms around her back. "Because of stupidity, we brought out each other’s demons ..."

"Indeed..." Marcella sighed.

The little misunderstanding of the past was accelerated by their deep love for each other and ended up causing a blazing firewall between them. She hurt him because she didn’t understand him.

"I never needed the Codex, Marcella. Don left me a diary. It had everything. It was the Codex," Tony said.

Marcella got out of his hold and looked at him. "Then... wait... WAS? What happened to that diary?" she asked.

"I burned it. I didn’t want to use it and I didn’t want anyone to think it was up for grabs. I didn’t want to put your lives in danger; your sister included..."

Marcella hummed. She observed his eyes and she didn’t think he was lying.

"NO copies left?" she asked.

Tony shook his head. "Only what’s left in your memories... and mine..."

"Dad was in contact with you?" Marcella asked.

"Only after Donna’s death... He wanted our meetings to be discreet. He wanted to keep you away from it all. He wanted to protect you at all costs. He worried for you after what happened to Donna..."

"I remember him shouting at me that day even before I was fully out of the anesthetic..." Marcella scoffed.

Tony pulled her into a hug.

"I found you that day..." he said.

His hand was shaking.

Marcella’s eyes widened.

She didn’t know that.