DESTINED MATE : SWEET ALPHA PHEROMONE
Chapter 86 - GRUVV’s POV

Chapter 86: Chapter 86 - GRUVV’s POV

I was counting the days in my head since I opened my eyes that night, I could hear one of the nurses screaming so the other nurses and the doctor on duty rushed into my room.

I blinked my eyes, feeling an intense pain in the back of my head, not to mention the oxygen mask on my face, I felt hot and sore all over my body. I could hear them calling my name, but my throat wasn’t working, voice can’t came out of my mouth.

I want to ask, "Where’s Shiloh?"

But my body was so weak that I fell back asleep, the next day I woke up at noon. From the window the sun had risen and was shining brightly. I blinked again and Father approached me, he holding my hand tightly, our eyes met, those blue eyes that I had missed since childhood now looking at me.

I closed my eyes again that day, I was dreaming when I was so small. I was five years old when Cross was already sixteen, we were eleven years apart. The little me often played alone in the playroom made especially for me as my fifth birthday present from dad and Father, so many toys were scattered, the room look so messy, but there was only a nanny to keep me company.

Every morning, I saw Cross in his school uniform coming down the stairs with a face that didn’t always look okay. I sat in the high chair, to my right Father was preparing food for me, while to my left dad was cutting hot waffles on a white plate. Cross would sit opposite me, give me a quick glance and eat his breakfast in silence.

I was a quiet child, that’s what Father said when we were meeting with a therapist one afternoon, "He was so quiet, he never cried or whined. Not like Cross when he was so little, is there something wrong with this child? I’m worried."

The old man looked at me, asking Father for permission to talk just the two of us. Inside the room, the old man asked me many questions, I looked at him deeply, observing his old and wrinkled face, his white hair that looked so hard, unkempt, the man had a distinctive smell that I didn’t know where it came from.

"Gruvv?" He called out to me, shifting my focus. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly, I pointed at his white hair.

"How come your hair is white?"

He was silent for a moment then laughed, "There are many things why my hair is white, one of them is because of age. Do you understand?"

I shook my head, not understanding.

"Because I’m old." He said while smile so wide.

He asked again but my focus was already shifted to another direction.

I rarely saw Father, I was always left behind every morning by him after he took me to kindergarten. I would be picked up by my nanny after school, then I would play, bathe, have a snack and have dinner with the nanny again.

The next morning, I will meet Father again at the dining table.

Father looks so handsome and cool, he looks dashing with a big body, his blue eyes always catch my attention. However, I don’t have the same eyes as him. I have the same eyes as dad and Cross. I like his big hands, holding mine. I like his chest that I can lean on, and his big hands hugging my body, I like the smell that I always smell whenever our bodies are close together.

I always kept those feelings to myself, I never told Father that I wanted to be with him. My nanny said that Father and dad was busy with their work, as a good boy, I should wait.

"I don’t want Gruvv to learn martial arts! He’s still a kid!" I heard Father yelling from the den, I was seven years old. I had just gotten back from school and with my nanny right behind me, I ran into the den, wanting to show off to Father that I got a 100 in today’s lesson.

My steps stopped when I heard the shout.

"You sent Cross to learn martial arts too early, he didn’t like it, Cross cried every time he came home from training. Gruvv is different, he never cries or even whines. Don’t you know how frustrating that is? That boy is too quiet even though his therapist says there’s nothing wrong with him! I’m worried for him!"

I flinched at Father’s words, my nanny covered my ears, carrying me away from the room. I didn’t know what was wrong with me, I never cried, never whined, I didn’t want to be a bad son for Father, I wanted to wait for him to finish his business so he could come back to play with me.

"Gruvv, I and your dad made this room for you! Father will accompany you to play if you are a good boy!"

I always remember Father’s words and try to be a good boy like he wants.

I asked Father to learn martial arts while we were having breakfast, I could see his blue eyes widen. Cross who was sitting across the table also looked surprised, dad stroked the top of my head with a big smile.

I always tried to fulfill Father’s wishes, for his attention. I always waited so Father would play with me in that room until I was eleven years old and Joshua was born. His eyes were blue, beautiful, just like Father’s. He looked handsome and beautiful at the same time, Joshua was always crying and Father was always there for him. Father was always hugging him, kissing him, Father was always by his side.

"Josh, why are you always crying? Why aren’t you be a good boy for Father?" I asked Joshua who was chewing a rubber toy in his hand, I had just back from martial arts training and dad was asleep in the chair next to Joshua’s crib.

Surprisingly, unlike me who was being nice, despite crying every day and not acting like a good boy, Joshua always kept Father by his side. At that moment I came to the conclusion, ah, maybe I’m not that important.

I focused on my routine, look at how Father loved Joshua so that without realizing it I also loved my brother as much as Father loved him. I always pursued many achievements so that Father would come into my room and say, "Gruvv! You always make me proud!" While stroking the top of my head. That was enough.

I wanted to make him proud.

When Ford killed himself and I had to go to juvenile prison, I felt like a fool, I had definitely disappointed Father. He would hate me, he wouldn’t love me, I was acting like a brat. What happened inside the juvenile prison, Ford’s death broke me from the inside, when I could no longer smell the pheromones, I knew I had disappointed Father more than I could imagine.

I stayed away from him, I tried not to see him alone.

I didn’t want him to express his disappointment in me.

When I was with Shiloh, the feelings that I had always harbored slowly back, the strong desire to have someone. All the selfish feelings I had been harboring to have Father completely just for me, were replaced with the feeling of wanting to have Shiloh completely for me. I didn’t want him to leave my side, I wanted to be with him.

Because after all this time I waited for Father to be by my side, there was someone else who was now by my side, looking at me with his eyes, the sense of being needed, the sense of being wanted made me greedy.

"Father..." I called out to Father when I opened my eyes for the umpteenth time, I counted the days in my head, it was the tenth day. My oxygen mask has been removed, but I still can’t sit up and my body still hurts all over.

"Gruvv..Gruvv..I’m here.."

The room was so quiet, I couldn’t smell anything other than Father’s pheromones. He holding my hand tightly, his eyes looking at me with worry, the sound of the monitor echoed in the room.

"Why you doesn’t ever accompany me to play in the playroom?"

"What?"

I looked at him, "I’ve been a good boy like you wanted, why don’t you ever come play with me in the playroom?"

I could see his lips trembling, his blue eyes seemingly welling up with tears, he was crying, he pulled my hand away, burying it in his face.

"Gruvv, I love you, we loves you, let’s get up. You have to wake up from your dream, I’m sorry I never played with you in that room."

I don’t know why Father asking me to wake up from my dream, I’ve woken up, I’ve opened my eyes, I just want to ask the thing I’ve been keeping. I know, my greed has taken Shiloh away from me because of my desire to have Father only for myself who was never fulfilled. I made Shiloh hurt while he was with me.

"Time of death, 5.11 PM."

I could still hear that voice inside my head and I was too scared to ask, I was afraid that when I woke up fully, the reality would hit me. The fact that, Shiloh was no longer with me.