Depraved Noble: Forced To Live The Debaucherous Life Of An Evil Noble!
Chapter 293: Cooking Bioweapons...

Chapter 293: Cooking Bioweapons...

Cassius, still crouched in the bushes, had his hand over his mouth, his shoulders trembling violently as he fought the overwhelming urge to burst out laughing.

"Alright...Alright...One more time...I can do this...I’m a proud knight...this can’t be harder than a battlefield..." She muttered through gritted teeth, sweat dripping dramatically down her brow.

This time, she managed to get the needle through and tugged on the thread with all her strength, only to suddenly freeze. Her eyes went wide as she looked down in dawning horror.

"Why...Why is my skirt moving with it?"

She tugged again. The fabric on her lap lifted.

"No...No, no, no, no, !"

Julie yanked hard, only for the entire thing to snap with a loud twang, sending the thread ricocheting into her face and leaving behind a sad, tangled knot hanging like a badge of failure.

For one long, tense moment, she just sat there in silence, staring at the ruined fabric. Then her lower lip began to quiver.

"Why...Why am I so BAD at this?!"

Cassius felt like he was watching some tragic opera unfold before his eyes, except instead of tragedy, it was absolute comedy.

Julie’s expression shifted wildly between frustration, righteous indignation, and soul-crushing sadness, her emotions cycling so fast it was like watching multiple Julies fight for control of her body.

"I’ve fought in wars! I’ve stared death in the face! I’ve wrestled ogres to the ground with my bare hands! And I still can’t...can’t..."

She sniffled dramatically, glaring down at her lap.

"I still can’t make a stupid little stitch work?! Why?!"

She clutched the needle and thread like a knight gripping her broken sword in the heat of battle, staring up at the heavens with fiery determination.

"I will conquer this. No matter how many times I bleed, no matter how many threads betray me...I will master this art!"

Cassius, still frozen in the bushes, could only stare in disbelief, his mouth slightly open as his brain scrambled to comprehend what in the nine hells he was even witnessing.

’Why...Why in the world is she awake at the crack of dawn...’ He thought, his expression twisting as Julie dramatically pointed her needle to the sky like it was Excalibur. ’...to do something she’s obviously, clearly, horrifically bad at?!’

And then his nose twitched again as the smell from the pot on her fire hit him square in the face, nearly making him gag.

’Just what the hell is she cooking?...Cow manure, dog piss? Maybe it’s both of it combined?’

It was as if Cassius’s unspoken question had traveled across the clearing and landed squarely in Julie’s ears.

Julie sniffed the air delicately, her nose wrinkling the tiniest bit. "Hmm...it seems like there’s...a weird scent coming from the pot."

Cassius’s eyes went wide in utter disbelief.

’A weird scent?! That...that wasn’t just weird. That stench could knock out a platoon of war-hardened veterans.’

He was genuinely stunned that she wasn’t rolling on the ground gasping for air, let alone standing so casually beside the bubbling abomination.

’How the hell is she even surviving that smell up close?! Is she immune? Is this a training technique I’ve never heard of?’

Julie, completely oblivious to the aura of impending doom rising from her concoction, leaned over the pot with the innocence of a child inspecting a flower.

"Well...even though it smells a little bit strange...nothing’s unfixable as long as you add more ingredients!" She chirped, as if she had just unveiled a divine secret of the culinary arts.

Cassius’s soul physically recoiled. ’No. no, stop. don’t add anything else—’

But it was too late.

Julie grabbed a fistful of what looked like dried leaves and tossed them into the pot. "A pinch of forest herbs to balance out the bitterness! That’s how you get a rich, earthy aroma!"

’Earthy aroma? Woman, you’re about to create mustard gas!...Those leaves could have bird poop and she’s throwing it in like it’s oregano ’ Cassius screamed internally, gripping his head as she hummed happily.

Next, she picked up a jar filled with something suspiciously wriggling and smiled serenely. "Ah, forest grubs! A true chef never overlooks the power of protein!"

She dumped them in with a flourish, and Cassius swore he heard tiny screams from the pot before the mixture hissed ominously like it was coming alive.

Julie clapped her hands in delight. "Perfect! Now, let’s give it a bit of sweetness."

Cassius perked up. ’Wait. Sweetness? That doesn’t sound too bad—’

Julie grabbed a bottle labeled "Fermented Tree Sap – 6 Years Old" and poured the thick, black goo into the pot until it started bubbling violently like a cursed swamp.

Cassius’s jaw dropped open. ’She...She’s making a bio-weapon.

But Julie wasn’t finished.

She pulled out a handful of tiny, fiery-red berries and tossed them in. "These will give a nice spicy kick!"

Then she added crushed pinecones. "A crunchy texture is always welcome!"

Next came fish bones. "Flavor depth!"

Finally, she plopped in a whole frog, alive. "They say fresh ingredients make all the difference!"

Cassius staggered back as the frog let out a final sorrowful croak before being swallowed by the monstrous brew.

’This isn’t cooking...this is witchcraft!’

Julie stirred the pot with the confidence of a five-star chef preparing a signature dish, humming merrily. "Ahhh, this is looking great already. I can almost smell the deliciousness."

Cassius felt his soul leaving his body.

’Deliciousness? Dammit! You’re one step away from wiping out the entire continent. You’re better off forging weapons of mass destruction than holding a sword.’

Cassius was sweating bullets, his entire body rigid with tension as he clutched the bush in front of him like it was his last line of defense against the madness unfolding before his eyes.

’No...No, no, no...This can’t be real.’ He thought, his face pale as he watched Julie hum a cheerful little tune, completely oblivious to the horror she had wrought in that pot.

She leaned over the abomination and nodded in satisfaction, her smile radiant as she murmured to herself. "Mmm...it has such a nice color."

Cassius’s jaw dropped so low he thought it might dislocate. ’Nice color?! Woman, that looks like the runoff of a poison swamp from another plane of existence!’

The vile sludge bubbled ominously, as if the very laws of nature were rejecting its existence. A stray bubble popped, releasing a puff of smoke so foul that even the insects in the area dropped dead mid-flight.

And then...Julie straightened her back, her eyes sparkling with joy as she said.

"It looks perfect! Now...it’s time to taste it."

Cassius froze. His soul left his body.

Time to what?

’NO, NO, NO, NO!’

Cassius screamed internally in a tragic, over-the-top wail as his hands shot out instinctively, like he could somehow stop her through sheer force of will.

’Don’t do it! Don’t throw your life away! Think of your future! Think of your family of your family!

But it was too late.

Julie, moving with the elegance of a swan and the confidence of a five-star chef, dipped a spoon into the writhing sludge and raised it to her lips.

’Nooooooo!’

Cassius’s mind screamed, his face contorted in agony as he imagined her body seizing up the second it touched her tongue, foam bubbling from her lips, and her soul ascending to the heavens in a spiral of tragic violin music.

’I...I won’t even know how to explain this to her family! ’I’m sorry, she was killed in action...by her own cooking,’ What the hell am i supposed to tell the hell am i supposed to tell them?!’

The spoon plunged into Julie’s mouth and in response he squeezed his eyes shut, unable to watch her demise.

’Julie...You idiot...May the gods take care of you in heaven. I’ll tell your family you died bravely...though I’ll have to lie about how.’

But then...

"Mmm..."

Cassius froze. Slowly, terrified, he cracked open one eye as Julie sat there with the spoon in her mouth, completely and utterly...fine.

No frothing at the mouth. No screaming. No clutching at her throat or collapsing to the ground in spasms.

Instead, she pulled the spoon out with a soft smile and looked down at the pot with utter joy.

"Delicious."

Cassius’s jaw hit the forest floor. ’What?!’

"It’s really delicious!" Julie declared brightly, nodding to herself. "All those ingredients came together perfectly. As expected of me!"

She puffed out her chest in pride, the sunlight catching her braid like she was some heroic chef who had just saved the world.

"Not only am I a prodigy with the sword, but I’m a natural in the kitchen too."

Cassius’s lips twitched violently. His entire face spasmed like a man fighting against reality itself. ’WHAT?! She survived that? She even says it’s...’

Julie stood proudly, holding the spoon high like a war trophy. "Skadi and Aisha were completely overreacting yesterday. If I had shown them my true skills, they would have been blown away. Hmph! Next time I’ll prove it to them!"

Cassius felt a bead of sweat roll down his temple. His expression shifted from disbelief to outright horror as he stared at her like she was a walking paradox of nature.

’She ate that sludge...and survived. No...worse. She said it’s delicious’

His hands slowly curled into fists. ’Skadi...Aisha...I owe you both my life for warning me. You were right to run last night. You were so, so right.’

His lips twitched again as he clenched his jaw, barely holding back the urge to storm out of the bushes and scream.

’This woman...this woman isn’t just bad at cooking. She’s a threat to existence. If her sword doesn’t kill billions, her cooking will.’