Defensive Magic
Chapter 43: Wolf Illuminated

WINTER TERM - February 5th

I hung the witchball in Aries’s room. I’d only made one and it might be awhile before I’d make another. That meant Whisper and I were living in Aries’s suite, not really my own. Aries said he didn’t mind, though I suspect he was trying to play it cool. He was a little too thrilled by the fact that I’d stolen a few of his shirts.

We tried not to talk about the witchball, Ianthe, all that. But Aries couldn’t help himself. One night, lying in bed, he’d asked, “So if I’d ever shown up at the Stag’s Court, you know, before all this– would someone have asked you to distract me too?”

I knew exactly who he meant. What it would’ve sounded like—Zephyr, darling. Be a dear. No one else has the patience. The question hung there, quiet and awful.

I tossed my head back, horns clanked against the headboard. The bed was still too small—especially with Whisper sprawled across the mattress. “I think you’ve got the wrong idea about who distracts who here.”

“Zeph, come on.” He wasn’t going to just let it go.“Like you haven’t blown me before just to get me to shut up.”

Maybe once, but I didn’t want to examine that too closely. Not now. “I think we both know blowjobs don’t make you any quieter,” I said. “Enough with the what-ifs. I’m exactly where I want to be. Alright?”

He didn’t bring it up again. I hoped he never would.

And because the gods were cruel and uncaring, tonight was the Grand Illumination— the triple full moon. It meant something to the Court. Marblebrook mentioned it in passing, I ignored it pointedly after the mention of the full moon. Coven events weren’t as fun when I knew I’d have to miss them.

Aries and I were walking Whisper when we crossed paths with Yinuo— Aisling’s roommate. I hadn’t seen her since before the Masquerade, hadn’t exactly thought of her since then either.

“Zephyr. Hey!” She called out brightly. “Heard you were in my room the other day.”

Whisper was circling like he was about to shit out a fireball and Aries was on his tail with an ice spell prepared to keep from setting the newly laid mulch ablaze.

Not how I would’ve phrased it, but I figured Aisling hadn’t mentioned the witchball. Besides, she was flirting.

“Any big plans for the full moons?” she asked.

I had to chuckle, just a little. I certainly had plans. “Isn’t there a whole… something?”

“The Grand Illumination, all the covens get together for it, yeah, but there’s always after. I hear the moons make it a great night for stargazing,” she said. “We never did get that dance at the masquerade… or did we?”

Aries cast conjured frost a hair too early and froze Whisper’s tail along with the dogshit and mulch. Whisper yelped.

“Yeah, who’s to say,” I said. “Though uh… as nice as that sounds, I’m already spoken for.” I glanced over at Aries, now chasing our shrieking dog.

“Oh, you mean, your friend?”

“Boyfriend.”

She paused.

“Him?”

There was a little too much surprise in her voice.

I braced for it—like always—but this time, I didn’t flinch.

“What? He’s hot.”

Aries heaved Whisper up into his arms, walking over, a little sweaty, a little exasperated. “You think I’m hot?” he called out.

Yinuo was a little too polite to disagree. She cleared her throat, offered a hasty, “Well, good seeing you,” and made her escape.

“Why does that surprise you? I’m dating you, aren’t I?”

Whisper wriggled in Aries’s grip, still offended.

“So, all this is what does it for ya?” Aries asked. He had mulch stains on his pants.

I don’t think he expected me to answer. I gave him one anyway. “Yeah, actually. It does.”

I ruined the moment by taking a few swallows of wolfsbane solution from the flask. The taste was worse than usual. Aries’s smile dimmed, his eyes locked on the bottle. I didn’t say anything. If it meant he wouldn’t see the wolf, it was worth it.

“The prophecy isn’t even about you,” he said, setting Whisper down.

I recapped the flask. He couldn’t know that. Not for sure.

In Hostile Scenarios, Blackclaw had our group take on a new automaton, as though Stellan and I weren’t both itching through our skin. This one was an upgraded version of the wooden barrel. Its base was a metal drum. Nadine, as per usual, told us what to cast, and when. This time I just listened. I couldn’t do anything but listen.

There was only one automaton this time, and even if I could feel the wolf itching to maul its iron frame, Nadine managed to short circuit it with an overwhelming lightning bolt before either Stellan or I got the chance.

At the tailend of class, Blackclaw called out, “Ashbourne, you have a second?”

“You changed your mind about ditching me?” I asked. I know I flinched. It sounded pathetic.

“I thought I’d see how you were feeling, but you know what? You’re fine. You’re irritable because of the moon, I get it, but you’re also just kind of a pain in the ass.”

“Thanks for the pep talk,” I muttered.

“Don’t do that,” he groaned. “It’s not on me. You know how to shift. You did it in the middle of class two weeks ago. You don’t need me to hold your hand.”

It really wasn’t the time to mention I’d been drinking wolfsbane solution all day so I didn’t. He clapped me on the shoulder. I think he was going for encouraging. “You’re gonna be fine.”

“And if I’m not?”

Blackclaw rolled his eyes. “You’re gonna be fine.”

I tried not to think too much about the moons over dinner. This was going to be my new normal. I was with Aries, Noodle, Aisling, and Ripley. Whisper was under the table, where I fed him scraps of chicken from my hand. Whim noticed, pawed at Whisper’s head. She wanted chicken too. I gave in. Aries would probably share more with Whisper anyway.

I was having a hard time keeping up with conversation. I caught it in pieces.

“Three full moons– apparently great for summoning,” Ripley said. “That’s why we’re doing it tonight.”

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“You know you don’t need two mages to summon one familiar,” Noodle said.

“It’s a tricky spell!” Aisling sniped back.

“Plus I hear it’s a good night for stargazing… so long as you stay on campus,” I added.

Aisling kicked me under the table.

“Yeah, like we don’t know what you’re really up to…” Noodle grumbled. Of course Noodle knew. “Least Aries’ll still be here to keep me company tonight, right?”

“Hmm?” Aries hadn’t been listening. He had a mouth full of chicken. He swallowed. “Oh, umm. Right.”

I looked over at Aries. He didn’t meet my eye.

I went out to the clearing north of campus and waited for the moon to pull me under. The shift was involuntary or it’s meant to be but this was far worse than it’d been last time. There were still patches of snow on the ground, less wintery and white than last month, but probably colder, or maybe it was just that I was naked and shivering and knew this time around my ass wasn’t going to be saved by an electric-shock spell from Blackclaw.

I could feel the wolf yawning somewhere inside of me, not fully there, not fully with it, even as my whole body was begging to be melted away in its wake. It was the wolfsbane, I knew that. Blackclaw said no dose of wolfsbane could skip a full moon. I guess we were putting that to the test.

I was shaking, a little hypothermic at this point, waiting for the wolf to twist up my spinal cord and bring me to my knees. It was coming. It had to be. Even if all I felt was growing irritation.

Then, there was a bark.

I thought I’d imagined it.

The wolf? No.

Whisper.

My stupid, fearless familiar. He was going to get himself torn apart.

Shit. I’d locked him in my room for the night, but he’d slipped out anyway. I’d never seen him teleport but I still wasn’t convinced he couldn’t.

He trotted through the woods, broad chest puffed, a stick in his mouth.

“It’s really not the time, pup.”

He didn’t care. He never did. He peered up at me, red eyes open, too glad. I rubbed his big head.

“You really don’t know what you just walked into,” I said. He grumbled as I scritched behind his ears.

I suddenly felt as though I was going to puke.

I did. Mostly bile and wolvesbane. I cleansed the taste from my mouth with snow.

Whisper waited by, uncaring. He was still warm, despite the chill. I pulled him a little closer. At least for the time being. He was my familiar, right? He had to know to run when the wolf did finally make an appearance. I was praying for that much at least.

And then I felt it– a crack in my spine. I keeled over, horns digging into the mud. I heard myself scream.

And then, it stopped. I was still collapsed. Whisper had moved to avoid my fall. He sniffed my mouth. My cheek pressed against a patch of frozen earth. Whisper licked my nose. His breath was partially smoke. I coughed. I couldn’t push him off if I wanted to.

“Fuck, Zeph. What the hell’d you do to yourself?”

I might have been miserable and collapsed, but I knew that voice. It sent a bolt of panic through me so sharply I rose up from the cold, hard earth to face him.

“Aries.” I was furious.

He was standing over me in his winter boots, a thick wool coat, knitted gloves and hat.

“Get the fuck out of here.” I was in a rage, but it came out like a sob.

“I was worried about this,” he muttered. “That damned wolfsbane.”

The vertebrae in my back twisted again. My vision blacked out for a second. I bit my tongue to choke back the scream. Aries heard it anyway.

I was back on my hands and knees.

“Just go. Shadow step out of here. I’ll be fine. I’ve done this before.”

“You did this before? How’d it go that time? This bad too?” Aries knelt beside me. I felt his gloved hand against my back. It was warm. He was warm. Not Whisper warm, but better. I felt the wolf whine.

“Blackclaw just hit me with that shock spell again. Woke the wolf right up.” I spoke through gritted teeth. I could feel the blades of my shoulders reshaping themselves under my skin, honed into something sharp in slow motion. “I’ll still shift without it. Just fucking go.”

“Maybe later,” Aries said as he pressed hard into my back. I groaned as if I’d been hit. He kept going - pulling off his gloves to shove his weight into a spot beneath my shoulders.

I cried out. “Fuck. What the fuck are you trying to do to me?”

“I’m helping. What do you think?” Aries said.

Then, I felt something snap - not break, no. My bones were looking for the right places again. Aries shoved into my side and I felt something move with him.

“You really think you’re the first werewolf who struggled with shifting?” he asked.

I was in too much pain to answer coherently. I shrieked, head falling forward, too heavy. My horns were melting again. Soft palate breaking open, jaw making itself into a new shape. Aries’s hands pressed up into the back of my neck, knuckles kneading the tender skin there, slowly becoming covered over in fur.

I was making sounds that were not quite human. I tried to shove him back. I know I landed one hit, but he grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and hissed, “Let me help.”

I don’t know that I really needed help at this point, but he kept at it anyway, like this was some kind of hellish physical therapy.

A bone clicked into place and I could breathe again. My shouts came out as howls and Aries pressed on. His hands dug into my fur. I didn’t need help anymore. I was already too deep into the shift. I needed him gone.

Then finally, I felt relief.

The wolf.

Aries still had his hands on my back. In the wolf’s fur.

It growled.

“Shut it, Zeph. We both know you’re secretly soft,” Aries said. He rubbed his hands over my ears, my head, snout. The wolf let him. Watched.

“It’s already ridiculous you never let me see you like this,” he said. “I think even Whisper feels left out.”

Aries kept rubbing his hands over the wolf’s head. It didn’t growl a second time. But did suddenly perk up when something nipped at its tail.

Whisper. The wolf reared on him. Barked.

Whisper yipped, front paws raised in play.

Aries chuckled, slipped his gloves back on. “You don’t scare us, Zeph.”

He raised a stick up with his hand. The wolf watched Whisper’s eyes follow it. Aries threw it into the dark. It crashed somewhere. Whisper bolted. The wolf just after.

The sky had started to lighten when I felt myself returning. Fur falling away to bare skin. Horns returning. The quieter pain of turning back. My hips remolded into a new shape. I emerged still screaming.

Felt a wool glove cup my jaw. Another wiped the sweat forming on my brow, already turning cold in the winter air.

“You absolute idiot,” I gasped. My mouth tasted like cold and iron and too many moving pieces.

Aries kissed me anyway. “Get it through your head that you’re not going to kill me, alright?”

“The wolf-” I started.

“Is still you,” he said. “You are the wolf. And you won’t hurt me.”

I sucked in another breath, too tired to be any good at fighting him right now. I was cold, and exhausted. He was warm and already holding the set of clothes I’d discarded. They were a little muddy, chilled, but warmer than wearing nothing at all. Aries pulled a sweater over my head, minding my horns.

Somehow he’d been out here, all night with me, with Whisper, and he’d come away unscathed. I wasn’t ready to let it happen again, even if he had proven his point.

“How did you know to do that?” I asked. “You helped me shift.”

Aries shrugged. “Werewolves talk. It’s a thing. I’ve never done it. Maybe I didn’t even do it right.”

“You did,” I said. “I almost bit your head off for it, but it worked.”

He smiled. “You growled.”

“I always growl.”

“Yeah and half of getting to know you is learning which growls mean something and which ones don’t.”

Whisper nudged at my hand. His tail wagged, softly brushing against my ankle.

Aries gave me a light shove. “Come on, I want to eat before we have to go to class.”

I groaned. I didn’t have the time. “You’re kidding.”

“Unfortunately not.”

We started walking. I didn’t know what the day would bring. But Aries was warm beside me, Whisper was close, and for once, the wolf was quiet.