Contract Marriage: I Will Never Love You
Chapter 184: Too Soon

Chapter 184: Too Soon

Marcus

Rebecca’s voice is calm when she says it.

"We already live far away from each other anyway."

The practiced tone of someone trying to sound unbothered. She’s trying to make it easier for me.

And I hate it.

I study her face in the dim light. The ceiling catches the shadows, her profile etched in quiet disappointment, her lips just slightly parted like she’s trying to convince herself this isn’t a big deal.

I want to tell her it will fly by. That I’ll be back before she can miss me. That it’s just a month.

But the truth is, I already miss her. And I haven’t even left yet.

"I don’t want this to feel like distance," I murmur, my thumb still tracing lazy circles on her hand. "I don’t want it to change anything."

Rebecca turns to face me then. Her eyes, wide and unreadable, lock on mine.

"We don’t have a choice," she says. "But...I’m sure...I’m sure we will talk to each other on the phone or video chat. Won’t we?"

I want to say something that’ll hold us together. Something permanent. But all I can think about is how much I don’t want to wake up without her next to me anymore. How much I’ve gotten used to the sound of her laugh, her messy hair in the mornings.

I am in love with her.

God help me. But I am.

And the scariest part is, she might not know that yet. I even told her that I didn’t mean to call her ’my love’ out loud just yet. Why did I tell her that?

I lean in and kiss her forehead.

"I’ll make it up to you," I whisper. "When I get back, I’ll take you anywhere you want. We’ll eat pancakes at midnight, crash weddings, whatever you want."

She lets out a soft laugh. "You’re terrible at reassurance."

"Yeah," I admit. "But I’m good at wanting you."

She shifts closer, her head on my chest again. Her fingers curl around the edge of the sheet, like she’s afraid if she lets go, I’ll disappear.

I wrap my arms around her tighter.

This, this right here is everything.

And I’ll be damned if a plane ticket or a time zone will undo it.

"Marcus. There is something I want to tell you," she says.

My stomach twists immediately. Something she wants tell me?

I have a feeling I know what that is. She decided I’m not worth the wait or she doesn’t think it’ll be realistic to travel back and forth to be together.

Maybe she is deciding to choose that guy Kevin after all .

Maybe...

"Marcus!" she exclaims.

I blink rapidly. "Sorry, what?"

"Did you just zone out?" she pouts.

"Sorry Becca. What did you want to tell me?" I ask quickly, dreading the answer.

Rebecca shifts slightly, propping herself up on one elbow to look down at me. Her hair tumbles around her face in a dark curtain, eyes searching mine like she’s trying to find the right moment, the right breath, to say what’s on her heart.

I brace myself. My stomach knots so tight it hurts. Whatever it is, I’ll take it like a man. I’ll smile through it if I have to. I’ll...

She exhales, soft and shaky. "Marcus...I’ve been thinking about something for the past few weeks."

I keep my face still, straight. My heart, on the other hand, is doing jumping jacks.

She looks away then, eyes flicking to my shoulder like it might offer her backup. Her fingers twist in the sheet, fidgeting like she’s working up the nerve to admit she’s already letting go.

But then, in the smallest voice, she says:

"I...I love you."

My brain short-circuits.

Wait.

Wait, no...run that back.

She is still not looking at me. Her face is pink, like she is embarrassed by the words. She’s biting her lower lip, eyes darting toward the ceiling like maybe if she doesn’t see my reaction, it won’t hurt if I don’t say it back.

My heart is thundering now, painfully loud.

She loves me?

"Becca," I whisper, my voice hoarse.

She flinches. "It’s okay if you’re not ready to say it back. I just...I didn’t want to keep it in anymore."

I stare at her. My sweet, wild, brilliant Rebecca.

I reach up and tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Say it again."

Her brows pinch together. "What?"

"Please," I say, barely breathing. "Say it again."

She swallows. Her cheeks are bright red now. "I love you."

I pull her down to me, wrapping her up like the words cracked something open inside me and I’m afraid if I don’t hold her close, I will fall apart for sure.

"Thank God," I murmur into her hair. "Thank God, Becca, because I love you too. So much it scares the shit out of me."

She lets out a watery laugh against my chest, and I feel the way she melts into me. Her body softens, her tension fades.

We stay like that for a while. And for once, distance doesn’t feel so threatening. Because no matter where I go, she’s with me now.

In every beat of my heart.

"You don’t think it’s too soon? I mean, we didn’t date long," she murmurs.

I tilt her chin gently so she is looking at me again. "No," I say. "No, I don’t think it’s too soon."

Her eyes search mine, wide and uncertain, like she’s expecting me to take it back.

"I think time’s a bad measure for this," I say. "It’s not about days or weeks. It’s about you. And how it feels with you."

She still looks unsure, so I press my forehead to hers.

"I’ve been with other women for months and never felt this way," I whisper.

"Your man whoring business doesn’t count." She smirks.

I chuckle. "I guess not."

There’s a long, peaceful pause. Her hand finds mine under the sheets, fingers lacing slowly through mine like she’s making sure I won’t slip away.

"I don’t want you to leave," she admits. Her voice is small again, fragile around the edges.

"I don’t want to either," I say honestly. "But I will come back."

She nods, like she believes me. Or maybe like she wants to believe me badly enough that it doesn’t matter.

"We will talk everyday," I say.

She nods. "Would you mind if I visit Megan sometimes? Even if you are not here?"

I kiss her hair. "Jeez, do you even have to ask? Of course you can. She loves you and you don’t know how much I appreciate you befriending her so quickly."

She giggles. "I am good with kids in case you can’t tell by my career choice."

"I will talk to her mother about it," I reassure her. I tilt her head up so she will look me in the eyes again. "So...you love me, huh?" I grin.

Rebecca groans. "Are you going to tease me about it?"

I turn serious. "No."

She opens her mouth, then closes it again. Her brows draw in slightly, that nervous little crease between them showing up like it always does when she’s overthinking.

"I meant it, Marcus," she says finally. "I don’t say that word lightly."

"I know," I say, and I do. I know how guarded she can be. How much of herself she keeps hidden behind humor and confidence. That she said it first means something.

"It scared me," she admits, her voice small. "Saying it. Feeling it."

"It scares me too," I confess. "Because I’ve never had anything that felt like this before."

She swallows, her thumb brushing absently over the back of my hand. "I don’t want this to fall apart when you’re away."

I sit up slightly, leaning on one arm so I can really see her. Her hair is a mess, eyes still sleepy, skin warm and glowing in the early morning light. And I know right then and there—no matter what city, no matter how many miles stretch between us—this is the person I want to come home to.

"It won’t fall apart," I tell her. "I’m going to do everything I can to make sure of that. I’ll call. I’ll text. I’ll send you terrible memes at 2AM just so you know I’m thinking of you."

That gets a reluctant smile out of her. "You’re already pretty bad at memes."

"I’ll improve under pressure."

She laughs softly and lays her head back down against my chest. I kiss the top of her head again, inhaling the scent of her hair and trying to burn this moment into memory.

A pause.

"Marcus?"

"Hmm?"

"If you ever get lonely there...like really lonely," she says, her voice hesitant, "I want you to tell me. Even if it’s 3 in the morning your time."

"I will," I promise.

She nods, then adds in a quiet voice, "I don’t want you to feel like you’re going through it alone."

God, how does she do this? Break me open with just a few soft words?

I tighten my arms around her and press a kiss to her temple. "You’re not getting rid of me that easy, Becca. We’re in this."

She smiles against my skin.

And for the first time since I told her about Germany, I see a little light come back into her eyes.