Broken Bond: Between Vices and Virtues (BL)
Chapter 240 - 26: A part of you

Chapter 240: Chapter 26: A part of you

The cold wind bit at Killian’s cheeks as he wandered aimlessly through the snow-covered streets. His breath came out in puffs of air. The streets were dressed in festive holiday decorations, warm lights twinkling overhead, casting a glow over the city as dusk began to settle.

It should have been beautiful, magical even, but the joy of the season only deepened the ache in his chest. He had no destination in mind; he just needed to walk, to get away from the café, from the confrontation with Geraldine...from Nathaniel.

But the latter was so inconsiderate of his feelings to the bitter end, following him like a dog.

Killian could hear his footsteps in the snow, close behind him, the sound of someone who wasn’t willing to let him go just yet.

He didn’t turn around. He didn’t want to face him.

The sting of Geraldine’s words was still fresh, and worse yet, the pain of seeing Nathaniel standing there, knowing he was the cause of it all, was unbearable.

Finally, Killian stopped. His eyes fell on the glass of a nearby shop window, where their reflections stood side by side, a fractured image of what could never be.

Killian’s breath caught in his throat as his heart clenched. He had once imagined a future where they would be standing like this—side by side, together, perhaps looking into the same window during the holiday season, sharing quiet moments of joy. But that dream was dead now, buried beneath layers of deceit and heartache.

Behind him, Nathaniel shifted, sensing Killian’s turmoil but not daring to speak.

The snow began to fall more heavily, and as Killian stared at their reflection, he felt something shift behind him. He didn’t move; he didn’t even flinch as though he was too exhausted to even care when Nathaniel’s hands gently touched his shoulders.

A moment later, a soft warmth wrapped around his neck.

It was a scarf—Nathaniel’s scarf.

Killian knew the gesture was more than just about the cold; it was Nathaniel’s way of trying to care for him, even after everything.

But he remained silent, staring at their reflection, refusing to turn around, to acknowledge him, until the emotions that had been swirling inside him boiled over.

"How long?" Killian’s voice was hoarse, barely a whisper, as he kept his eyes on the glass. "How long are you going to keep following me? Go back. Someone else is waiting for you."

Nathaniel didn’t answer immediately, but Killian felt the tension in the air between them. The silence stretched painfully, the weight of all the unsaid words hanging over them like a dark cloud.

"Killian..." Nathaniel’s voice was soft, almost pleading. "I didn’t mean for things to happen this way. I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did already," Killian cut him off, his voice sharper now, the pain finally breaking through the surface. "You hurt me, Nathaniel. You lied to me, you deceived me, and you made me into... into this person I never wanted to be. Do you have any idea what it feels like to love someone and find out everything they told you was a lie?"

"I didn’t lie about my feelings," Nathaniel protested quietly, stepping closer, but Killian still refused to turn around. "Everything I felt for you was real. Is real. I might have omitted some things, but I’ve been honest when it came to my feelings. It was the first time...for me to feel this way. It was real."

Killian let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. "Real? What part of this was real? The lies you told me? The fact that you kept your family a secret? That you let me fall in love with you without telling me who you really were?"

Nathaniel’s silence was answer enough.

Killian’s heart thudded painfully in his chest as he finally turned around to face him.

Nathaniel stood there, looking devastated, his eyes filled with regret, but that didn’t make it better. If anything, it made it worse. He could see the anguish in Nathaniel’s expression, but it didn’t change what had happened.

"I didn’t know, sir," Killian whispered, his voice breaking. "I didn’t know you were married. I didn’t know you had a family. I didn’t know I was ruining someone else’s life while you were ruining mine."

Nathaniel stepped forward, his hands reaching for Killian, but he pulled back, shaking his head. "Don’t. Don’t try to make this better. You can’t. You’ve already done enough."

"I’m sorry," Nathaniel’s voice cracked, his hand falling uselessly to his side. "I’m so sorry, Killian. I never wanted to hurt you like this."

"Then why did you?" Killian demanded, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. "Why did you lead me on? Why didn’t you just tell me the truth from the start? I could’ve handled it. I could’ve walked away before it got to this."

Nathaniel’s face crumpled and his voice barely a whisper. "I didn’t want to lose you."

Killian clenched his fists, feeling the anger and sadness war inside him. "You didn’t want to lose me, but you didn’t care about what it cost me, did you? I lost myself, Nathaniel. I lost everything, and for what? For a love that wasn’t even mine to have."

Nathaniel’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as he stepped closer, his hands hovering just above Killian’s as if he were afraid to touch him, afraid that he might break if he did. "Please, Killian. I never wanted it to end like this. I love you. I abandoned my own principles because I couldn’t bear to lose you. I don’t think I’ll be able to continue living if—

"You were living just fine before you met me." Killian let out a choked laugh, his tears finally spilling over. "And this isn’t love, sir. I don’t want a love that will constantly remind me how I wreck someone’s home or make a child’s life miserable. They don’t deserve that."

Nathaniel opened his mouth to respond, but Killian shook his head, cutting him off before he could say another word. "Stop. Just... stop. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep pretending that this is going to work, that we can keep going like nothing’s happened."

"I don’t want to lose you," Nathaniel whispered again, his voice desperate, as if he were trying to hold onto the last shred of hope.

"We’re just going on and on in this. But, sir, there’s nothing to lose," Killian’s voice cracked, the finality of those words hanging in the air between them. "What we had was just a relationship purely based on primal instincts. Fated mates? That’s just bullshit. We were never fated to be together. I know that now."

Nathaniel’s shoulders slumped, his hands falling limply at his sides. He looked defeated, broken, but Killian couldn’t let that sway him. He had to be strong, for both their sakes. This was already tearing him apart, and if he didn’t walk away now, he knew he never would.

"I regret everything," Killian’s voice trembled as he spoke, his heart breaking with each word. "I regret ever loving you. I wish I could go back and change it all. I wish I could forget I ever met you."

Nathaniel’s breath hitched, his face a mask of pain, but he didn’t argue. He just stood there, accepting the words, accepting the blame, because he knew they were true.

"Killian..." Nathaniel’s voice was barely audible, his throat tight with emotion. "I’m sorry."

"Don’t apologize," Killian whispered, his eyes wet with tears. "It doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t fix this."

Nathaniel looked at him, his expression raw, and for a moment, Killian thought he might break down. Instead, Nathaniel just nodded, his eyes filled with an understanding that made Killian’s chest tighten.

"I know," Nathaniel said softly. "I know I can’t fix this. But I need you to know that I loved you. I still love you."

Killian closed his eyes, willing the tears to stop, but they kept falling. He wanted to believe Nathaniel, wanted to believe that their love had been real, but he couldn’t. Not anymore.

"Please," Killian whispered, his voice cracking as he took a step back. "Stop. Stop saying my name. Stop following me. Just... stop."

Nathaniel’s face crumpled, but he didn’t argue. He didn’t beg. He just watched as Killian turned and walked away, the scarf still wrapped tightly around his neck, the only piece of Nathaniel he had left.

The snow fell heavier now, blanketing the streets in silence.

Killian’s heart felt heavy, weighed down by the pain of everything that had happened, but he kept walking. He didn’t look back. He couldn’t. If he did, he knew he would break. And he couldn’t afford to break.

As he walked, clutching the scarf tighter around him, the warmth of it was both a comfort and a reminder of everything he had lost.

Nathaniel had given him the scarf, but Killian knew he could never give him back the part of himself he had lost in loving him.