[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper
Chapter 196 - 195: Merit

Chapter 196: Chapter 195: Merit

Chapter 195: Merit

"You have to earn merit again to have strength."

The main reason why Qin An insisted on going back to deal with the matters with such a hurry even as everyone said that he needed to rest is because back when he lost consciousness, he dreamed again.

He talked with the Judge inside his dream about his situation right now. According to His Majesty, only through collecting merits again can he recover his strength slowly. Just like what he had always been in the past, to overcome such difficult enemies, he has to guide souls and defeat dark elements to have merits.

For his situation right now, defeating dark elements is actually not that difficult. He has the ancient sword to help him even if his body is an ordinary human. And since he is the only grim reaper, the line of the souls that he had to guide is countless so there won’t be a problem. The only thing that he has to think about is to manage his time and to go back to how he usually deals with his job.

He must not be swayed or think further again like what happened. One thing that brought him back to his high position in the past is because he was not like his other colleagues who are too sympathetic with their clients. He is decisive and never compromised with dead people who wanted wishes that are out of their bottom line in work.

But also by doing this... Qin An paused. He remembered Zhao Xiaopang and Bai Yue’s situation. Will he have to go back to the usual again and forget what happened to them?

Qin An once again felt a dilemma. He didn’t notice that someone went beside him and sat on his side. It was not until someone spoke that he came back to his senses.

"Can I call you, Anan?" He was stunned when he heard Hou Nian’s request.

"I heard your friend named Xing Ren once called you that." Hou Nian explains with a smile on her face. Qin An didn’t respond but she didn’t mind and brought the plate of snacks closer to the young man.

"I made these small snacks. Yanyan and A’Lou would often eat it."

Qin An looked down at the sweet snacks on the table for a second before he took it and bit down. Feeling the sweetness inside his mouth, he somewhat remembered the various emotions that he felt for the first time when he became a human.

The first thing that he felt when he was in the middle of the forest— the warmth from the ray of sunlight touching his skin, the beating of his heart and the fragility that he felt inside his bones that told him the vulnerability of a human not only because of their bodies but due to the complex emotions that they can feel.

He also remembered the conversation he had with He Li one time.

’Humans are too complicated. Everyone has various reasons why they want to live— for themselves or for others, but they always unite for one thing. Peace.’

’There are some things that you will only understand if you can feel and experience them. Why don’t you try it?’

Experience it? What kind of experience does He Li actually talk about anyway? Does it require going back to be a grim reaper again to break the new life he had? What does he have to take in order to understand and know completely how to be a human?

"Is there something wrong?" He came back to his senses when he heard Hou Nian. Qin An raised his eyes slightly and saw the dark clouds above her head. It was the resentment that accumulated throughout the years that she served for the country. He’s sure that she definitely knew the consequences of her work but yet she continued. And she will definitely choose to continue it if it weren’t for her condition, right?

"You can tell me if you don’t mind." Hou Nian said with a motherly worry on her face that Qin An is very unfamiliar with. He doesn’t understand the emotion in her eyes but it somehow felt a little tingle inside his heart.

It was such a foreign feeling that he couldn’t help but lower his eyes to look away from that sight.

Hou Nian didn’t mind his reaction and started speaking.

"Did Yanyan often bother you?" She changed the topic instead. "I knew that kid especially wants to cling around to his friends. He will always do that if he really likes it just like how he followed A’Lou around all day when they were a kid until now."

"... It’s okay." he answered after a moment.

Hou Nian’s smile widened. "Really? Then I’m glad. Thank you for taking care of him."

Qin An only nodded silently.

The two went silent for a while. In normal cases, Qin An wouldn’t mind it and this was even what he wanted, but for some unknown reasons today, he felt uncomfortable.

He seems agitated by the fact that he rejected her kindness earlier. It was definitely not something that he would think he’ll feel.

Such the first time made him subconsciously frown a bit and glance sideways again at Hou Nian.

Yet unexpectedly, he met her eyes straight away.

"!!!" He flinched and turned his head again. He was speechless by himself. Why is he feeling this way for some reasons? Just because he didn’t say anything earlier? Then what to do?

Anyway, what’s the matter in telling her what’s going on anyway? Why don’t he just say it so his brain won’t think anymore just annoys him, right?

It doesn’t matter.

Qin An opened his lips and was about to say something when Hou Nian spoke first.

"I also want to say thank you again." She begins.

"... what for?"

"I heard that you’re attending A’Li’s condition. His pollution is way more serious than anyone and everyone is actually very anxious for him. His position as the Marshal always brought him to danger and he didn’t even think for himself." Hou Nian told him with a worry on her face.

"Actually, aren’t you two the same in this way?" Hou Nian chuckles a bit. "Both of you are terrible at listening to others."

"..." Qin An didn’t know how to answer that.

"But then, I also knew that what you two are doing is for everyone." Qin An’s body stiffened when she suddenly reached out and held his hand.

"So I want to thank you for not only saving us but also A’Li."

"..." Qin An was silent and could only look at her hands.

This was the first time that he held a woman’s hand. Unlike others, hers is much slender and soft. However, he could also feel the calluses on her hands not because of her age but due to the line of her work.

She was just like others who seemed to always think about the world.

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