Avenging Luna
Chapter 68: Walls Have Ears

Chapter 68: Walls Have Ears

Leila’s POV:

I knew Drake hated the thought of me even considering an abortion. The disappointment, the anger—it was all there beneath the surface, just waiting to explode. I didn’t blame him for it, but I wasn’t ready for this child. I didn’t feel capable, and every time I imagined myself as a mother, I felt nothing but dread. I knew Drake would never forgive me if I went through with it. Hell, he wouldn’t even let me do it if he had the slightest chance to stop me.

The weight of his feelings was crushing, suffocating me. But I also knew that I needed to make my own decision, something that I felt was right for me, even if it seemed impossible. I needed advice from someone who had been through something similar—someone who wasn’t blinded by their love for me or the idea of family. That’s why I chose to go to Nelly.

Nelly had always been a source of calm, a voice of reason amidst all the chaos that surrounded us. She had her own experience with children, especially since she and Lucas had adopted Lily’s baby after she left him at the hospital. If anyone could offer a level-headed perspective, it was Nelly. I didn’t know if she would understand, but I hoped she would listen without judgment.

When I found her, she was with Lily, playing with the baby. They looked peaceful, and for a moment, I hesitated. Was this really the right time? But the urgency in my heart pushed me forward.

"Hey, Nelly," I greeted her, forcing a smile. My eyes flickered toward Lily briefly, but I kept my tone polite. "Can we talk? Alone?"

Nelly looked at me, sensing the seriousness in my voice. She glanced at the baby, clearly torn. Lily noticed and spoke up quickly, as if reading her mind.

"I’ll watch him," Lily offered with a smile, picking up the baby in her arms. "Go on, Nelly. I’ve got this."

Nelly hesitated, but after a moment, she nodded, trusting Lily with the baby. I could see the anxiety in her eyes, though. She didn’t fully trust Lily, and I didn’t either. That’s why I suggested we stay close, just in case.

"We can talk on the terrace," I said, gesturing toward the door. "That way you’ll still be nearby."

Nelly seemed relieved by the suggestion, and we stepped outside, the cool breeze brushing against our skin as we walked to the terrace. The house felt oddly quiet in contrast to the whirlwind of emotions storming inside me. Nelly watched me carefully, sensing that something was very wrong.

After a few moments of silence, she spoke. "Leila, I’m glad you came to talk to me. You’ve been acting so strange lately, and whenever I asked if something was wrong, you always said you were fine. But I knew you weren’t."

Her words were gentle, but they hit deep. I took a shaky breath and turned to face her, the weight of what I was about to say pressing down on me. I didn’t know how she would react, but I couldn’t keep it in anymore.

"I’m pregnant," I blurted out, my voice quieter than I intended.

For a brief moment, Nelly’s face lit up with happiness. Her eyes sparkled, and I could see her ready to congratulate me. But then she stopped abruptly, her expression shifting when she saw the look on my face.

"What’s wrong?" she asked, her brow furrowing in concern. "A baby is something to be happy about, Leila. But you... you’re not jumping for joy like I thought you would."

I looked away, trying to gather the strength to explain how I felt, but the words caught in my throat. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to be excited like Nelly was, but I couldn’t shake the fear that had consumed me from the moment I realized I was pregnant. How could I explain that I wasn’t ready, that the thought of being a mother terrified me?

"I... I don’t know if I can do this," I admitted, my voice trembling. "I don’t know if I’m ready to be a mother."

Nelly’s face softened as she reached out to touch my arm. "It’s okay to be scared, Leila. Having a baby is a big deal, and it’s natural to have doubts. But why do you think you can’t do this?"

I closed my eyes, the memories of my own childhood flooding my mind. The neglect, the pain, the abandonment. "Because I don’t know how to be a mother. I never had one, at least not one who loved me. I don’t know what that kind of love looks like. What if I mess up? What if I hurt this child the way my mother hurt me?"

Nelly listened quietly, her eyes full of understanding. "Leila, you’re not your mother. Just because you had a difficult childhood doesn’t mean you’ll be a bad mother. You have Drake, and you have people who care about you. You don’t have to do this alone."

"But what if I’m not good enough?" I whispered, tears welling up in my eyes. "What if I’m too broken to give this child the love they deserve?"

Nelly’s grip on my arm tightened gently, grounding me. "Leila, none of us are perfect. We all have our fears and insecurities, but that doesn’t mean we can’t be good parents. Love isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up, even when things get hard. I’ve seen how much you’ve grown, how strong you are. I know you can be a great mother."

I shook my head, the fear still gnawing at me. "Drake thinks I’m strong, but he doesn’t understand. He’s so excited about the baby, but I... I’m not. I don’t feel the same way he does, and I’m afraid that I’ll resent the child if I go through with this. What if I end up like Lily?"

The words slipped out before I could stop them, and Nelly’s face darkened slightly at the mention of Lily. She stayed quiet for a moment, thinking carefully about what to say.

"Leila," she began, "you’re not Lily either. Lily made her choices, and while I don’t agree with what she did, that doesn’t mean you’ll do the same. The fact that you’re even here, talking to me about your fears, shows that you care. You’re already thinking about what’s best for your child, and that’s the most important part of being a mother."

I wanted to believe her, I really did. But the doubt was still there, gnawing at the edges of my heart. I had no idea what kind of mother I would be, and the fear of failure was too overwhelming.

"I don’t know what to do," I admitted, wiping at my tears. "I’ve even thought about... ending it. I don’t know if I can handle this."

Nelly’s eyes widened in shock, but she quickly composed herself. "Leila, don’t make any decisions out of fear. I know this is scary, and it’s overwhelming, but don’t let your fear drive you to do something you’ll regret. Take some time, talk to Drake, and really think about it. You’re stronger than you realize."

I nodded, but my heart was still heavy. Nelly’s words were comforting, but they didn’t erase the fear inside me. I had no idea what the right choice was, and I was terrified of making the wrong one. How could I bring a child into the world when I didn’t even know if I could love it the way a mother should?

As Nelly and I sat there in silence, the weight of my decision pressed down on me even harder.

I wasn’t sure if I could do this.

And I wasn’t sure if I even wanted to.

**Leila’s POV:**

"Leila, I’ve seen you with kids, and you’re great," Nelly said, her voice gentle but filled with conviction. "I know you’ll be a wonderful mother. You can even ask the kids at the orphanage. Those kids love you, and you can see it in their little eyes every time they see you."

Her words hit me like a wave, pulling me from my spiral of fear. The kids at the orphanage... I’d always gone there to help out, play with them, and bring some joy to their lives, especially since I knew what it felt like to be alone. Those children had always brought me a strange sense of peace. Their laughter, their innocence—it was like a temporary escape from the darkness that had shaped my own childhood.

I loved spending time with them. There was a freedom in being around children, a simplicity in their affection. They didn’t judge or expect anything from me except to be there with them. The truth was, I hadn’t even realized how much they adored me. But now that Nelly was pointing it out, memories of their bright, hopeful faces rushed to my mind, and a lump formed in my throat.

"Those kids... they’re different," I whispered, my voice trembling. "They’re not mine. It’s easier with them because I can leave whenever it gets too much. I’m not responsible for them, not like I would be with my own child."

Nelly nodded, understanding the weight of what I was saying, but she didn’t back down. "I get it. But Leila, you have something special in you that those kids see. They trust you because they know you care, even if you don’t realize it yourself. And you wouldn’t be doing all of this if you didn’t have the heart for it. You don’t walk away from those kids when it gets hard, do you?"

I shook my head slowly, remembering how many times I’d stayed late, comforting a child who was having nightmares or just needed someone to hold them. No, I hadn’t walked away from them. Somehow, I’d always found the strength to stay.

"You’ve got it in you, Leila," Nelly said softly. "You just have to believe it."

I sat there, her words washing over me, but still, the doubt lingered. Nelly’s faith in me was comforting, but it didn’t erase the fear I had about being a mother. A mother to my own child. There was something so final, so terrifying about it.

"I want to believe that," I said after a long pause, my voice barely above a whisper. "But what if I mess up? What if I hurt this baby without meaning to? What if..."

Nelly cut me off gently. "You’re thinking too far ahead. No one has all the answers when they become a parent. You’ll figure it out, just like the rest of us. And you won’t be alone, Leila. You’ve got Drake, you’ve got Lucas, and you’ve got me. We’ll help you through it."

I bit my lip, my hands shaking slightly as I rubbed them together. "I just... I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready."

Nelly took a deep breath, looking at me with those calm, reassuring eyes that always seemed to know more than she let on. "I don’t think anyone ever feels completely ready. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be an amazing mother. The fact that you’re this worried, this scared, it shows how much you care. That’s more than enough to make you a good mom."

I let out a breath I didn’t even know I was holding, but the fear hadn’t fully lifted. I knew Nelly was right, but how could I trust myself to not repeat the mistakes my mother had made? How could I be sure that I wouldn’t become like her?

As if sensing my inner turmoil, Nelly reached over and squeezed my hand. "Take your time with this, Leila. Don’t make any decisions while you’re still afraid. Talk to Drake. You know he’d do anything for you. Let him help you through this."

I nodded, though a part of me still resisted. I didn’t want to rely on anyone else for this decision—it was too personal, too heavy. And deep down, I wasn’t sure if I even wanted this baby. Was that wrong? Was I horrible for feeling that way?

Nelly stood up, smoothing her hands on her shirt before giving me a kind, understanding smile. "I’ll be here if you ever need to talk again. But don’t keep this to yourself, okay? You’re not alone, Leila."

With that, she headed back inside, leaving me alone on the terrace with my thoughts swirling around like a storm.

I stared out into the distance, watching as the trees swayed in the wind. The guilt weighed heavily on me, mixing with the fear until I could barely breathe. How could I possibly be a mother when I felt so broken? When I still carried the wounds of my past?

I thought about the baby growing inside me, a tiny life that I hadn’t asked for, hadn’t expected. A life that would depend on me for everything. The thought was overwhelming, crushing. And as much as I wanted to believe Nelly, a part of me still wondered if this was all a mistake.

Was I even capable of giving this child the love and care they deserved? Or would I just pass on the pain, like my mother had done to me?

I closed my eyes, the emotions crashing over me in waves. I had no idea what the right choice was, and I wasn’t sure I ever would.

But one thing was clear—I couldn’t keep this from Drake any longer. Whatever decision I made, it would affect him too. And I knew he would fight for this baby with everything he had.

I just wasn’t sure if I was ready to fight with him.

The thought of terminating the pregnancy lingered in the back of my mind like a dark shadow. It would be an escape, a way out of the fear and uncertainty. But could I live with that decision? Could I look Drake in the eye knowing I had taken away the life he was already so excited to welcome?

I didn’t know. And that terrified me more than anything.

I stood up from the chair, my hands trembling as I wrapped my arms around myself. The fear was suffocating, but I couldn’t make this decision right now. Not when everything felt so uncertain.

But one thing was for sure—I had to talk to Drake. He needed to know what was going through my mind, no matter how difficult the conversation would be.

I took a deep breath, steeling myself for what was to come. I didn’t know how he would react, and part of me was afraid that this would tear us apart. But I couldn’t keep this secret any longer.

As I walked back toward the house, a single thought lingered in the back of my mind, chilling me to the core.

What if I wasn’t ready to be a mother?

What if... I chose not to be?

Would I really consider ending this pregnancy? Could I bring myself to do it, knowing what it might cost me?