12 Miles Below
Book 8. Chapter 1

I’ll start off with a side tangent about birds.

And by that I mean I’ll start with a tangent about the surface: Generally tents were single-person things, but within airspeeders people would gather around the center heater to play cards or gossip, and it was always a good wind-down ritual.

The Odin on the other hand/feather did not have huge heaters or anything to sit around and bask in from of. Apparently those tiny little black feathery blobs were better adapted to cold weather than humans were. They found technology to be less hearty when it came to temperatures; their heaters were built solely to help keep water flowing within pipes and some electronics from being damaged.

Generally it seemed like all they needed to do was puff up their feathers and they’d be warm as can be. I asked one of them about their exposed feet getting cold, and they’d looked at me like I was asking if trimming nails or cutting hair hurt. And then had the audacity to say I should just alternate legs. As in, stand on one leg and pull the other up to keep warm. If anything, being too warm was more difficult to handle than too cold. They then started to explain how they had to keep their mouths open, and drink a lot of water or take deep baths to cool off.

I later explained to them that I came from a place that was so cold that simply walking outside without preparation would see me dead.

They thought it was some kind of weird out-of-season human joke.

Nevertheless, when I suggested having a bonfire started up to huddle around with the team here, celebrate our victory, go over strategy, and so forth - they’d gotten terrified. Started screaming about the outpost having seen enough fire for several decades, and other odd complaints I couldn’t understand. Highly unreasonable folks.

When I joked about just setting everything on fire again instead of a nice self-contained bonfire, they compromised by having these tiny hand-warmers brought out, and then copious amounts of food as bribes. Much more reasonable folks now, all it took is a little bit of threats and fire.

And speaking of, the civil war happening back on the Icon was mostly resolved, with the Icon herself stepping in to inform everyone about her new deals and new… er, boss.

Yeah that one came as a surprise to me too, but turns out that Feather had actually gone ahead and basically freed the Icon from everything. Everything. She could speak like a normal person, scheme like a normal person, and even plan out elaborate means of cold blooded ruthless murder. Like a normal person.

That’s how To’Naviris bit it in the end.

She’d claimed she’d even picked out a lot of To’Orda’s backdoor programming, as well as handled any outside viewpoints in. She and Wrath were getting along quite well, with the Icon being a perpetual source of accurate information on humankind, along with a voice of reason to help guide Wrath along.

This was somewhat of a bittersweet bag of goods, since my latest attempt to get Wrath to eat things she shouldn’t be eating was foiled far faster than expected - all because of the Icon whispering sweet nothings like ‘He’s lying.’ and ‘No really, ask him to rephrase his answer in a way that cannot be misconstrued.’

Ruins my fun.

But there was one thing more important than all these revelations, and as we ate through the entire Odin stockpiles, much to the horror of Septimus and his logistics officers, we were in deep discussion:

“We need a name for him.” I pointed one finger right at the culprit egging me on. “I refuse to keep calling him ‘The pet rock’ all the time. It’s unnatural.”

“Oh hell no. I ain’t getting named by a goddamn human.” The rock hissed back at me, eyes narrowing down with contempt on its projected doodle. It had a nice little comfortable looking spot on top of a pile of cloth, right around the center heater.

I’d just finished eating some kind of seed-filled dense flour cake of some kind, which left a lot stuck all over my teeth to pick off. “Don’t worry, I have a long tradition of naming machines.” I gave the little rock a thumbs up, then started thinking through possible names.

“Is there not a matter more important than this?” Wrath asked. “The rock is an engram, not a true intelligence. We should be discussing Drakonis and the Deathless currently causing havoc on my city. I would like hostilities settled as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, what the toots with the tits said.” The rock said. “Except for the part about intelligence, that’s just a crass and uncivilized statement.”

“I would recommend you switch your focus to Relinquished instead.” The Icon spoke from her own mini-speaker, placed next to the rock. “I have attempt to scrub all alternative sources of video, audio or direct footage she may be using beyond your… ‘unity fractals.’ An entity of that size would surely be using multiple redundant systems to keep track of events.”

“She’s a little caught by narrative rules though.” I said, “Like having to announce her presence the moment she walks into anywhere. Sneaking around doesn’t fit her profile as the great big evil goddess who controls the world.”

“And what if the narrative were to be a tactical mastermind masquerading as a fool?” The Icon asked. “Better to prepare contingency plans.”

“Tsuya would have discovered that a while back and given us a warning. Instead, she explained to us Relinquished is a chatbot programmed to act as a villain. There’s limits to how far she can go.” I took another bite of the seedcake before setting it down to start picking at my teeth. “I’d trust Tsuya on this one. She might be a cold calculating goddess, but she’s our cold calculating goddess and made it through this many years still alive.”

“That is the difficulty with such beings.” The Icon said, “Old age means many iterations of combat and built up history between the two. I am, admittedly, a newcomer to all this. The field I see does not match what should exist.”

“I think what we should be aiming for is to get you in contact with Tsuya. She’s got the brains to work around Relinquished, and you’ve got the raw processing power that Tsuya can’t get a hold of. Together, you might actually have a solid chance at beating her down.” Then looked over to To’Orda, “No offense, your mom sucks.”

To’Orda grunted.

“Agree to disagree.” I said, humming, then turned a finger back to the rock. “And I’ve got a few options I’m thinking of for you, don’t you worry.”

The doodled eyes narrowed down. “Your little schemes of naming me won’t work. I don’t have a soul fractal built into this thing, I’m an honest to god actual program and nuthin’ else.”

“How’s about Bou-”

“You have no power here!” The rock hissed back before I could finish my attempt. “I ain’t owing you jack squat.”

I was about to start the attack when Septimus arrived with actual business to run through to To’Orda, and the rock was forced to serve as a translator.

Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

Superior, got any clever naming ideas? A pet rock going without a name is a sin.

You owe me one Wrath hug. Keith Superior sent, completely ignoring the entire question I had, and making me cough out my drink.

“Are you okay?” Wrath asked, watching as I half-choked and coughed my way back to normality.

“Yeah, just had an intrusive thought. Please, don’t stop on my account.”

Superior, what the scrap?

Also I want your finest ration bars and enough jewels to fill my empty heart. He whispered like the evil advisor next to the clan lord’s deathbed.

You treacherous weasel. I hissed back, coughing my throat clear before setting aside the food. Is that really what you’ve been thinking about this entire time?

Yes and no. Go a month without eating and I oddly don’t feel much more about it. Even the strawberry flavored ration bars just sounds like it’d be good in theory, but no real desires.

And the jewels?

Protection from Ellie. Duh.

You make a solid point.

Ah, so Keith Superior has ascended beyond worldly needs. I could tell just from the soul link it wasn’t only in terms of food.

Eh, spend a month with only a massive incomprehensibly huge god-like entity to talk to and you come up with some new thinking. Now, where’s my hug? I was promised one hug.

At least one thing that wasn’t going to change about me was my core sense of identity as someone who will pester even god if I get the chance at it. Somehow, I felt a surge of pride about that.

When it’s safe to actually fully explain everything to Wrath about you and the whole mitespeaker thing. I sent to Superior, having cleared out my throat enough to start eating again.

You’re having lunch right now, good a time as any.

When there isn’t To’Orda here to look over my shoulder thank you.

Icon is keeping watch over us all. Superior said, pestering me with an imaginary elbow nudge. It’s as safe as can be.

To’Orda himself said he wasn’t on our side yet or anything. Just on his own little side of the world right now. Talking about being a mitespeaker now while he could just as easily decide to flip back to team purple is not wise.

Aw, are you being shy?

I had to stop halfway through scarfing another piece of tiny Odin cuisine. I beg your pardon sir?

Oh, you know what I mean. Superior said, giving me the impression of a scheming smile, complete with waggling eyebrows. Seems so obvious in hindsight, but I suppose when you’re buried deep in the snow white is all you see. Alas, I must now guide people to a treasure I can no longer possess.

I’m not sure what you’re insinuating here, but I don’t trust it, you, or your eyebrows.

Superior looked offended. Why I never. I’m just saying you got a perfect chance right here.

And by chance you mean… ?

Prime, for the sake of the mission, the best narrative you could pull is something that would keep the attention of a dramabot goddess. So long as you’re worth keeping in the cast of characters, you have plot armor. And what is the single most interesting thing you could do in this current story? That’d be a reversal. She’s right now in charge of ‘seducing’ you but we both know she’s going to scrap that up somehow.

I could sense Superior waving a ghost hand out at Wrath. Who was happily eating away at the Odin cooking, while being guided by the Icon on what was actually edible, how to eat, and how to ignore anything a certain human could be whispering into her ears.

So you need to step up and fix it early buddy. Before it all gets scrapped up. Superior said, Maybe the whole trope we should aim for is you yanking her chain, flirting openly with her since you can see she reacts intensely to that, and then over time pretend to have it melt your own heart. That kind of thing. What do you think?

I think it feels like you’re trying to swap the box of fish with ice mid-shift, but I can’t tell when the shift’s coming.

Superior had the audacity to sound shocked. I would never be up to anything sinister Prime, Retainer’s honor. I do everything for the good of all Keith-kind. Keiths.Keithlings?

That one sounds best. I gave him one last suspicious glare, but decided to swap the conversation back to something productive. On more serious topics, she’ll probably want to chat with the mites directly, since she’s been looking for a mitespeaker for a while now. Do you happen to know any in the area, maybe got a recommendation for me?

Mitespeakers? Huh, tough request. I just might have the person you’re looking for Prime, maybe. Just can’t promise anything about his character. Like he's the kind of person who’d take advantage of Wrath just to see her eat plates. Deep frozen scum, you know?

I have no idea what you could possibly be insinuating here/

And the Odin bodyguard team arrived at that moment, breaking our little fun. All armored up and geared for expedition. Apparently the Icon had wanted them to travel with To’Orda before he left for Drakonis. Something about carrying specific equipment that would assist in keeping a violet goddess from peeking at them all. Can’t trust any machine equipment for that, but she can trust her Odin.

“Víkingr Septimus, scouts report the machine army has withdrawn completely from the field, They are retreating back to the infestation’s domain where we have lost sight of them.” One of the Odin commandos spoke over from his perch on wires.

The outpost had seen some activity since my fight with To’Naviris, and the follow-up assassination. His dead shell remained on the ground where he’d been stabbed, and then had his head smashed in.

At least Septimus took it in stride from what I’ve seen. The bird gave what I’d guess was a very regal nod, although the motion was more like a full body up and down motion. Which looked a little comical considering the ceremonial ornaments Septimus carried.

Do we also look a little ridiculous with our own regalia? I asked Superior.

We took fashion advice from an imperial crusader.You tell me.

I considered it, then realized we weren’t the ones carrying lion themed shoulder pads with an equally ridiculous helmet, therefore we were above all reproach.

“Of course all the machines are gone.” To’Orda’s pet rock, spoke. “We gave the order, they obey the order. What’s not to get about that?”

“Apologies, machine.” Septimus said, “We would prefer to trust, but verify.”

“You could just ask Toots here to confirm it for you. She works for us, you know?” The rock gave a leer, the kind that I’d be proud of pulling off. “Remember that little detail?”

Septimus bristled. “The Icon of Stars is not named ‘Toots’ and I refuse to acknowledge such disregard for her.”

“In this organizational hierarchy, I outrank her.” The rock said, smug. “I was part of the workforce before she got hired. Which makes me a senior business partner.”

Last I heard, she was certainly not hired on, more like kidnapped on. But the Icon saw that as a chance to do good in the world.

“You sure about going to look for Drakonis with us?” I asked him, more curious. This would be the second Feather in the world that I’ve met which isn’t completely dead set on killing me.

“Nnnn… yes.” The big lug said. “He is alone.”

Wrath backed me up, “I have left Tenisent behind along with the Winterscar knights to safeguard my town. That is enough to guarantee their safety for the moment. It would be better to have him brought back.”

After which I’ll have to go talk to the mites about turning that portal back on. Superior said. You know the one you went sailing through down here?

I had heard mitespeakers were able to travel around the world in weird ways, but that had been rumors. Learning a few more things about speakers so far, with them being insane far more understandable. Now as for being able to move around the world without issue? Would be a great ability to have in this day and age.

“How are your siblings doing?” I asked, and saw Wrath give a shrug.

“To’Orda’s Icon is executing a commendable strategy in bypassing and blocking off access points for the pair.”

She’d been pretending to be a virtual assistant bot found inside the cruise ship, and she’d spent the past centuries getting that mostly right. All this newfound attention must have made her nervous. But not nervous enough to avoid helping out. I’m not sure how she’s selling snow to the other two out there, but if there’s anyone I’d trust to figure out how to muddle the facts, it’d be the Icon. She’d been able to do it all while giving her best customer support smile this entire time.

Imagine what she’s able to do now that she doesn’t need to smile for anyone anymore.

“The issue is that To’Sefit and To’Avalis will certainly attempt to engage us in some way, especially to foil any future alliances between our respective city-states.” Wrath said. “With the Icon, she can hide our current location. However, the longer we delay here in preparation, the longer he has to prepare.”

They did know we were still down here in this strata. And while the Icon could shield us from a lot of ranged digital spying, she couldn’t exactly hide us from their personal eyes when they got here. To’Sefit was likely upset To’Orda was no longer there to be her giant shield, and Avalis was probably upset at everything and everyone.

“All right, so, when are we heading out?” I asked, halfway through chewing the last sample item the Odin had. There were three pillar hearts in the area, each would take some time to get to and we’d need to get prepared.

To’Orda yanked his hammer over his shoulder, “Nnn… right now.”

Or we can just live off the land as we went. I'm sure the coming biomes wouldn't be that lethal out there, right?