Yarra’s Adventure Notes
Chapter 864 - 128 The Terror Beyond Death

Chapter 864: Chapter 128 The Terror Beyond Death

"At the beginning, my first reaction was to seal them away and not touch them anymore," Philarx sighed, "but those weren’t mechanisms or matter; they were knowledge, deeply entrenched in my mind, not something you can simply set aside if you wish. I could control myself not to use them, but every minute, every second, even in my dreams, my mind was filled with these knowns and unknowns. New thoughts would emerge from my mind every day. You can’t imagine the pain of giving up on a subject as a Mage scholar, especially one that has already overcome the most critical barrier and is on the cusp of the final breakthrough, all because of various reasons. It is the most terrible torment that originates from the depths of the soul."

"Should I say I’m glad I’m not a Mage?" Pannis truly couldn’t understand the pain Philarx described, but if he thought about it from another angle, if his past self and Nellie had to face injustice and evil but could do nothing but watch helplessly, that burning anger indeed would come from deep within the soul. Embracing this empathy from another angle, Pannis could only offer a wry smile and said, "So in the end, you couldn’t resist?"

"It’s not a matter of resistance," Philarx shook his head. "Every day I pondered on this, only to realize that although I could control myself not to conduct experiments, at night when I fell asleep, the ’me’ in my dreams would uncontrollably research the knowledge I had adamantly refrained from touching during the day. Thus, instead of wasting more time in dreams without yielding any results, I might as well break the seal and start researching consciously."

"Actually, you just need to avoid using those high-consumption spells, right?" Pannis said. "Why insist on using such a method to split time, increasing your own expenditure?"

"I am delving into the rules of time through this very method, and it is through this that I made my breakthroughs, how could I possibly not study it?" Philarx shook his head. "Moreover, these studies require experimentation, and the only subject I could experiment on is myself. Thus, even with conscious control, the speed of aging is alarmingly fast. Nonetheless, it is fortunate that there has been a payoff. Roughly ten years later, which is ninety years ago, I made another breakthrough. I could split my time into three separate timelines, allowing three versions of ’me’ to appear in the same world. Though I was not even sixty then, I already looked no different than an eighty or ninety-year-old person. I was lucky to have advanced my research before dying, but I was also unfortunate because I discovered that after splitting my time even further, the price was not the double expenditure I had imagined, but rather more than tenfold. Previously, where there was a two-to-one exchange, now it had far exceeded twenty to one, sometimes even more."

"Overall, however, I am still very pleased because in my lifetime, I drew one step closer to the secrets of time. Even though I was aging at a rate much faster than before, I still felt it was worth it." Philarx seemed to fall into reminiscence, his usually calm voice now deeper, "But shortly thereafter, I had to terminate my experiments."

"Because you fell ill?" Pannis ventured to ask. "I remember you saying earlier that if you were to grow old, it would be the state in which I previously saw you. You probably knew since then, didn’t you?"

"Yes, it was from that time that I knew," Philarx replied with a cold smile. "Movements became slower and slower, limbs trembling uncontrollably, vision increasingly blurry, even the voice when speaking sometimes became mumbled and unclear, unable to walk on my own, unable to eat on my own, let alone conducting those precise experiments. It’s from then on that I realized that I thought I had a clear understanding of many things, but in reality, that was just an illusion. I was mistaken about a lot. For instance, I believed that in the pursuit of knowledge and truth, I could face death fearlessly—this wasn’t wrong, but my mistake was not knowing that there are far too many things that are more terrifying than death, things that are even harder to confront."

"We are from the same era, Kyle." Philarx paused for a moment to calm his emotions before continuing, "But Nellie’s forceful reversal of the Death Curse before her death made you incapable of experiencing those greater terrors. You will never understand the meaning of aging, let alone the suffering of illness. These are actually secondary, the most unbearable part is seeing the rules of time shimmering within reach but being unable to step forward for that last leap. That regret and despair, you who have not experienced it, couldn’t understand. If Christo were still alive, he would know exactly what I mean. Dee, that lion, once said the most sensible thing, ’As long as you have heard the truth during the day, even if you die at night, it is worth it.’ I completely agree with that statement; it articulates the sentiments of every Mage scholar. But if you look at it the other way around, knowing that you could see the truth at night, yet dying during the day, heh..."

The corners of Pannis’s mouth twitched; he didn’t know what to say in response. Regarding the actions of his old friend, robbing others to satisfy one’s own needs, he could never condone such behavior. He was very clear about the purpose of his visit today; it was to put an end to this matter. However, as Philarx shared more of his past experiences, Pannis felt an increasing sense of helplessness. While those actions were undeniably wrong, if it were him lying in bed rotting away each day, the truth he sought his whole life flashing before his eyes, yet only able to watch as he approached death step by step, could he truly resist the temptation? Hadn’t he himself collapsed in the face of death in the final battle?

"You see, you’re hesitating too," Philarx blew on the steam rising from his teacup and said indifferently, "It indeed is a difficult question with no clear right answer, isn’t that so?"

"Indeed," Pannis took a deep breath and, looking into Philarx’s eyes, said, "However, although I don’t know what the right answer is, I am certain that your method is wrong."

"I know, I am well aware that my method is wrong, I’ve never said that I wasn’t at fault," Philarx spread his hands and said, "But as long as I could witness the truth of time, whether the method is right or wrong is meaningless to me. After so many years as friends, you should know my nature very well, how could I possibly care about such things?" (To be continued. If you enjoy this work, please come to Qidian (qidian.com) to cast your recommendation votes and monthly votes. Your support is my greatest motivation. Mobile users, please visit m.qidian.com to read.)