The Crown and The Rose
Chapter 70: Feelings

Chapter 70: Feelings

The Rose

"Do you think we should go and check on His Highness, My Lord?" Worry bleeds onto Phillip’s face. "It’s been a few weeks and we still haven’t heard anything from His Highness and his acquaintances."

He is not wrong. At this point, even I can’t ignore the nibbling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I am loath to admit it, but I, too, am a bit worried—well, maybe not a ’bit’ but a lot—about Lush.

I can’t remember the last time I felt a tad of worry for someone. Not even Seraphina or Phillip, my most precious pawns—at least before the appearance of The Prince of Holy Light. I feel like he is casting his magic over me and it is deathlier than any dark magic that any being that wields in this earth land.

I didn’t realize it before. I realized it when I spotted Erick—Nix—kissing him on the balcony a couple of weeks ago. That one moment has impetrated through the layer of ice that I have built around my heart throughout all those years with one stealthy moment and has made the volcano that I have been suppressing erupt.

That moment made me realize how much my soul craves Lush Von Blade, the crown prince of the Blade Empire—the human realm. The celestial beings, the stars, and every single being that exists in this god-forsaken world forbid the feelings that my once unfeeling heart holds for Lush. It is not that I care about all the unspoken rules and all. But...I do care for Lush. I care for him so damn much that sometimes it drives me out of my breath, makes my heart ache and my blood hot—as hot as lava.

Love—is a strong word and it should only be used to save someone. Not to destroy. But my love for Lush can only bring a single outcome and that is chaos and hell. My love will ruin both of us—if not only me. If that wasn’t the case, then I would have bound Lush with me whether he liked it or not. I would have locked him away from all those eyes that were on him and saved him for only me. But...damn, I love him so damn much to ruin it for him.

Once upon a time, the sole word, ’love’ made me laugh. I never believed in such a term, but if it’s for Lush—I am even willing to believe in goodness and whatever the hell it is out there that he believes exists.

This is a shameful confession to make for a mighty demon lord but I believe that it is about the time that I admit that I have fallen—still falling— for one of my pawns and have been completely enamored by him.

I grimace at the realization and let out a small, unnoticeable sigh. "I am certain that prince is doing the job well enough and hasn’t been scathed—yet."

"My Lord, I know that you can track His Highness no matter wherever he is through the slave circle." Phillip hesitates, "But do you actually think that sending His Highness was the best course of action?"

It was not. At least not for me. I want to see him every day. I want to hear his laughter, singsong voice every day. I want to sense his light and warmth everywhere in this lonely cold palace and inside my heart as well. But it was to save him—from me and the lurking monsters that await to devour him on the single chance that they might possibly have. But mostly from me. My mind is a jungle of unhealthy desires for him and not want to be the reason that might actually ruin him. So it is his best choice that he stays far, far away from me. And also for me.

"Do you doubt my judgment, Phillip?" I drop the scroll—that I wasn’t paying any attention to at all—and lift my head to meet his dark eyes, raising a perfect white eyebrow.

Phillip instantly shuts his mouth and hangs his head down as he replies, his tone full of uncertainty and regret, "No, My Lord..."

He is lying.

Just for this once, I will forgive him for lying to me because I am too lying to myself, saying that pushing him away is the one thing that is good for me. My heart knows it because it longs for things my mind forbids me to touch. But I am afraid that my heart will win and I will consume him with my darkness.

I push up my sit and get on my feet, feeling a pain blossoming in my temple, "I will retreat to my bed chamber for the night." It is still early but I am worn from trying to focus on other things that are not the thoughts of Lush, "Let Seraphina know that I won’t be attending the dinner with her tonight."

"Understood, My Lord." Phillip acknowledges with a deep bow.

Seraphina has nothing to do these days, so she is spending that time in the kitchen. I heard her talking to herself that Lush once mentioned that he is a very picky eater and he enjoys a good grand dinner with various desserts.

This is marveling to see that she is trying to get to good terms with Lush. Ironic that she was one of his deathliest foes once upon a time.

Nights are the hardest time in the day without Lush filling in the void that I never knew existed in the palace and in my heart. He is sensitive to cold. So I always cast magic and made the palace warm so that he could sleep comfortably even if that meant that I would be sacrificing my sleep for that. It filled me up somehow, but now that I know that I am not the one who is making him comfortable, it fills me up with hollowness and fury—or jealousy.

I pull the duvet over my body as the bed sinks beneath my weight. My room is large and extremely luxurious with the signature coldness that my palace bares though it is a fraction colder. My room smells like ice and cold leather. All the windows and doors are shut and curtains are drawn. But sleep is not beckoning which means this is another sleepless night. I wonder what Lush is doing right now. If Rosalia Red is making him fall in love with her.

The lone thought breaks the ice in my bones and the volcano in my veins roar. I sit up. There is no way that I am letting anyone touch what is mine.

It is a now or never, Vermilion.

A voice inside me rings coldly inside my head. And it is right. It is up to me to choose what is good for us and what is not. I would rather have a destroyed Lush smiling with me than a Lush that isn’t mine sleeping by someone else’s side. If we don’t fit, I will make him fucking fit with me. I will manipulate the world to fit with us. If it doesn’t then it can go to hell or I can make it hell myself. Not my concern. Anyone that will oppose me, I will crush them beneath my feet and will show not even an ounce of mercy.

With this, I am out of my bed and on my way out of the door. Destination: Lush.