Stray Cat Strut
Chapter Fifty-Three – War Crime Waifu

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Heart of Dorkness (A wholesome progression fantasy) - Completed!

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Chapter Fifty-Three - War Crime Waifu

"With our new facial recognition AI-powered algorithm, you can be sure, 99% of the time, of what others are thinking!"

--FaceAI ad, 2039

***

I found a seat in this little 'park' area not too far from where Lucy had her current class. It was due to end in a few minutes and I wanted to give her a goodbye kiss before heading out. The 'park' wasn't really deserving of the name. It was three trees, two benches with anti-homeless arm-rests, and a patch of pitiful faux-grass that had been stepped on so much as people walked across it that a large chunk was missing.

Still, it was a seat, and it was out of the way and kind of quiet. I had a few people turn to stare, but I was in my school uniform, more or less, and didn't really give much of a shit.

"Alright," I muttered as I re-read the message Myalis had composed for me.

It was pretty decent, all things considered, but the tone was off. It had the vibe of something written by a corporate stooge, as opposed to something written by a samurai. It was hard to pin down what that meant, exactly, but it was there.

"Okay," I muttered as I opened the message on one screen, then opened a digital notepad and moved it to the side. Anyone looking at me would see my hands moving vaguely ahead of me, which wasn't too unusual.

I started to re-write what Myalis had made, only for the text that I'd written to change a moment later.

I'm correcting your grammar, Catherine. I understand the need for self-expression, but I won't allow you to express yourself by spelling 'ceasefire' with a z.

"Alright, that's fair," I said.

Mostly, I was adding to her message instead of removing too much of it. The bulk of her message was going to stay. I was just adding a little something at the start and end.

NOTICE OF TEMPORARY CEASEFIRE — ISSUED UNDER AUTHORITY OF VANGUARD STRAY CAT, NEW MONTREAL SECTOR

Note from Stray Cat: Look, you annoying fucks. I just want to stay home and mind my own, but now you're making noise and I can't handle that. So we're going to do a ceasefire until we can have a chat and lay down some rules. I want peace and I want quiet, and if I need to do war and be loud to get that, then I'm going to make it everyone's problem.

The terms of the ceasefire section went on as Myalis had laid it out. It was semi-legalese jargon. Myalis apparently had a second version that had an additional seventy-odd pages in ultra-fine print, going over all of the legal conditions for what we were doing and covering our asses.

It was impossibly complex, and jargon-y to the extreme. The kind of shit that would take an expert lawyer so long to untangle that by the time they were done, the whole event would be over with as well.

There was another section that I adjusted.

ENFORCEMENT AUTHORITY:

Designated Samurai retain sole enforcement rights. Consequences for noncompliance are not subject to appeal, arbitration, or delay.

Note from Stray Cat: If you mess with us, I will kill you. And it won't be a clean, glorious death, either. I will make it nasty. I will make it embarrassing. I will shoot you on the shitter, pants around your ankles, ass unwiped, and leave you face-down on the ground for the whole world to see. I will film that shit. Your family will disown you. Your best friends will pretend that they didn't know you. You will be struck from the history books.

Don't fucking try me. I've got nothing but time and I'm a very creative woman.

To avoid loss of resources, territory, personnel, and continued existence, compliance is strongly recommended.

I nodded. That would do it. "Okay, so where do we post this?" I asked.

You could print it out on little leaflets and staple it to telephone poles.

"Aren't most phone poles made of metal?" I asked.

Interesting that that is the first hurdle to the plan you mention. In any case, I'm certain I can find a stapler powerful enough for your needs. Or, you could post this online. I'll even help you, a little.

"That seems a little better, yeah," I said with a nod. "Are there any big forums that gangs use? Social media?"

Several. Some monitored, some as part of a larger social media network. Unfortunately, trying to spread this announcement around will have the effect of letting people see it who are outside of the gangs and organizations you were aiming to warn.

"I don't think that's a big deal. Let the normies know. I think that, if anything, the idea of a ceasefire might help calm them down a little."

Myalis didn't just post it all for me. Instead, she opened up a dozen windows across my vision, each one to a different site. Some were old-school forums, but most were more modern, restrictive social media sites.

"Can I even post on half of these?"

Not without moderator approval for some, and others require checks. Fortunately, I find anti-bot systems cute at best. Your posts will be seen by the right eyes, don't worry about it.

"Huh, thanks," I muttered. Then I started copy-pasting.

Obviously, that didn't work so well. No two sites had the same formatting requirements and such. I just knew that Myalis was watching me and enjoying the struggle, so I stayed calm and collected while posting death threats online.

By the time I was posting the last ones, the first were getting a steady stream of comments.

@J-Gun-Ty (The 7th Sword)

The hell is this? Who tf declares a ceasefire with a war crime threat at the end??

@AceRulez (Bloodchild)

Tell her to come enforce it on our turf. She won't leave in one piece.

@Truffles

If this stops the drive-bys for even a week, I'll send Stray Cat a fruit basket.

@TurtleTheMod (Admin)

Post approved. Admin team takes no responsibility for ensuing bloodshed.

@LaggyDeamon

This reads like someone who's been one nap away from genocide for weeks.

@J-lil Hayes

Someone messed with the wrong housecat lol

Yeah, this was going just great. I rubbed at my eyes, then perked up as I saw students starting to file out of the building Lucy's class was in. She was out soon enough, with a small entourage as well. Some of those didn't even look like wanna-be cooks either, but hangers on that had come all this way for Lucy.

She was becoming a lil' microcelebrity! Cute!

I waved, and Lucy lit up before running over. She was still a little clumsy with her running, but she was getting there. "Hey!" she said. "Are you here for my big presentation?"

"Nah, afraid not," I said. "I've got a bit of a meeting planning for in a few, but I wanted to kiss you good luck, remind you to break legs."

"I don't know if I'm strong enough for that," Lucy said.

"Then I'll break them for you," I said with a nod. "Nervous?"

There were a few little tells. Not that Lucy was the sort to wallow in anxiety, but I could still see it. Her eyes were a little more squinty, her gaze shiftier. She kept tugging her skirt down a bit and fixing the hem of her jacket.

I grabbed her closer, giving her a good squeeze. "You'll knock them dead," I said.

Lucy laughed. "I hope not! I need them alive."

"Then you'll knock them alive," I said.

Lucy and I spent a moment doing some things that people would often rather have done behind closed doors, then she was off. I sighed, but the taste of her lips still lingered on mine, so it wasn't all bad.

Right, I had work to do. Gom had replied, and so had Shy and Nya. We were supposed to meet up in a few minutes to go over what to do about that one corp that had violated the ceasefire.

They'd done it before the news of the ceasefire had gone official, so it was possible that Gomorrah might want to be a little lenient. I didn't think Nya would care to protest, and Shy was too shy to put her foot down about that kind of thing in any case.

Well, whatever. I started to head back towards the Bastion. Once we were together, we'd hash out the details and figure out what to do. Four samurai working together ought to be more than enough to set a problem to rights.

Best case scenario, we'd be sending a clear message about ceasefire violations. Probably with fire.

***

Hi!

Kuroi just launched the music vids for three new SCS fansongs! (My fave is Spot the Model, it's goofy) Thought I'd share!

MAKE IT CAT https://youtu.be/RIb-VdHtzSA

BE NOT AFRAID https://youtu.be/kKF-CTmOhfo

SPOT THE MODEL https://youtu.be/8oKFHqcPvhA