I Am Overpowered And A Comedian In Another World
Chapter 69: My Grandma is My Girlfriend (In This - Only)

Chapter 69: My Grandma is My Girlfriend (In This Chapter Only)

I have heard of Murphy’s law.

If something could go wrong, it would go wrong.

But I considered it fiction. I never could have believed that it would happen to me.

There was a boy named Murphy in my class. I had played a harmless prank on him once. I had sent him a link of a porn video and told him that it features his sister. It was a funny prank according to me. Though, it’s a different matter altogether when Murphy replied with another link and told me ’this is the correct one.’

I am talking about Murphy now because I believe this is Karma. Murphy was biting me back.

Because the thing I was most afraid of happened.

Malthus had burst out his horns from the ground like a cowardly necromancer pulling dead bodies from their graves because he is too afraid to personally kill and create his army and I was standing just behind the red monster.

Malthus knew that too so he instantly turned around.

He held his sword and swung it right at my neck.

His humongous sword almost grazed me, I would be dead if I hadn’t taken a backstep.

But since everyone could see the war, she saw it too.

The moment Malthus had swung his sword at me, must have made her worry and in her worry, she ended up shouting:

"My son!"

And since everyone could hear the voice of the people watching the war, her voice was heard too.

And it was heard by the worst man possible—Malthus.

I would have been less worried if someone else shouted that, but it was my grandma. The only person whom I adore in this world from my whole being.

Why did you have to shout, grandma?

And as I expected, after hearing the shout, Malthus grinned from ear to ear. He must have seen the horror on my face as he said:

"So you do have someone whom you care for, Human King. This just got so much fun."

"Wha-t do you mean? I care for no one. I am an anti hero. I am ruthless. I don’t give a fuck."

"Is that so? Then tell me whose voice was that? If you don’t care about them, then I can kill them right now and get it over with."

"That’s..."

Shit. What should I say? Quickly. Think of your least favorite person. Malthus doesn’t know it was my Grandma. I have to say something else. Goddammit. If my parents had three sons, I would have taken the name of the middle one and ended this shit.

"Answer me!" Malthus yelled and I blurted:

"That was my girlfriend."

Erect coughed.

Sexis raised his head.

Malthus’ brows shot up.

"Your girlfriend? But didn’t you say that you haven’t met any girls since you were born in this world?"

"I was lying. I said that to make sure she doesn’t come in this war."

"But she shouted my son. Why would she call you son?"

"Because I call her mommy."

"... Forget it. Since you care for her, I will find her and kill her in front of you."

Good luck with that.

He won’t find even a normal girl here, much less my girlfriend. And if he did manage to find someone... then I would beg with full dignity to let the girl stay with me for a while.

But I am surprised, Malthus is so gullible. He believed it was my girlfriend who shouted that. He is too pookie to be a villain.

"Just you wait, Human King. I will rip your girlfriend to shreds in front of your eyes."

Sure.

"That’s what you thought I would say, right?"

Hmm?

"What?" I asked.

Malthus smiled. "I was not born yesterday, human king."

"I have zero interest in your birthday. And how were you born exactly? Did Zues fucked the hole of a volcano? Because something like you wouldn’t fit in a normal woman’s womb."

"Don’t try to change the topic. You should be afraid."

"I am."

"... You can’t spoil my mood anymore, Human King. I clearly heard that voice of your loved one."

Shit.

"I told you that was my girlfriend!"

"Heh." Malthus scoffed. "I may not be able to become a father, Human King. But by looking at you, I can tell one thing..."

Malthus eyed me up and down.

"You have never experienced a woman in your life."

This bastard.

I hate it that he is so confident while saying that more than it being true.

But I shall not waver. It’s about my pride now.

"Heh. What makes you say that? I am the King of this world. I can get any woman I want. I was sucking boobs as soon as I was born."

"... Doesn’t everyone do that with their mother when they are born?"

"Heh. When did I say I was talking about my mother?"

I spread my arms.

"I was sucking the boobs of the nurse."

GASP!

I heard many gasps from around the planet. Sexis and Erect were included in that too.

And personally, I am impressed at myself for the amount of bullshit I can come up with. There was not a single nurse around when I was born. Just to protect my male Ego I spewed nonsense.

And by all means, I am sure, people would believe me as well.

"Now that’s a true chad."

"No wonder he is the Hero King."

"He grabbed the first thing he wanted as soon as he was born."

"He had his priorities straight since birth."

"I wish I had a childhood like him. I had to suck on my father’s tities."

Alright. That’s enough out of them. Somehow there is at least one of them who would make me stop hearing the other people further.

But apart from the common people there were two more people who wanted to say something.

"That’s not a nice thing to do, my lord. That nurse must have quit her job after that." Erect shared his views. That’s one righteous hero alright.

But after Erect, came someone more unhinged than me.

"Can you tell me the name of that nurse, Racis? I am still a kid, don’t you think?"

This dictionary fucker wanted some action himself.

"You don’t even have hands anymore, Sexis."

"Yes. That’s why I would need external assistance now."

"For what?"

"For, you know... the usual."

"Dude, go back to your high level thesaurus. Your words shouldn’t be understood by normal people."

"I was so afraid of this monster that my speech reset to the bare minimum. It will take time to go back."

"Then stay silent till then. You have no hands, no skills. You are useless now anyway."

"I have a dictionary though."

"It’s just a bundle of papers stacked together! Throw it at this monster and it will only damage his illiteracy. Heck, forget the damage it will only help him learn new words to use while murdering."

"Fair. I’ll shut up then."

"Appreciate that."

Sexis was lying behind Malthus and I was in front of this red monster.

After I stopped talking with Sexis, Malthus gawked at me like he was seeing a man who had sucked a nurse’s boobs as soon as he was born.

Wait... he indeed was gawking at one such man—me. He doesn’t know it was a lie.

"It was the first time I didn’t have to shut you both up before you two could continue your brain dead conversation." He said. He is talking about how I shut up Sexis before he could shout again in irritation.

"Don’t mention it. I know when to get serious."

"You don’t."

"... Okay. I don’t know. But I at least know when to stop joking before the other person could kill me." I learnt this because of my life (or death) on Earth.

"That’s good. But let’s get serious a little.."

Malthus stepped towards me.

"Who was the one who called you son? Was it your mother? It sounded like a feminine voice. Tell me."

He wanted the answer no matter what. He is worse than the police man who was torturing me for answers just because I had stolen a pair of his wife’s clothes. Not my fault the clothes I stole were the ones she was wearing.

"Why do you want to know?" I asked.

"Because I want to kill them."

"Oh. Is that so? You should have told me this from the start. I would have willingly shared their details to see their deaths. Haha."

I laughed. But..

"Like hell, you bastard! Why would I share their details just to let them die? I might look like a fool but I am not one."

"Fine. So you won’t answer willingly?"

"No."

"Then so be it."

Malthus raised both of his arms and with those burly trunks, he held both of my shoulders.

He squeezed them and brought his face closer to my face.

What was he going to do? I should have used a mouth freshner before coming here if I had known this was gonna happen.

Our eyes met and for some reason, I couldn’t look away from his red shiny eyes.

"Look into my eyes." He said.

"Okay." I replied instantly. My mind forced me to do that. I think I am losing my grip over my mind.

"Now you will give me only true answers to my questions. Got it?"

"Okay."

"Whom did that voice belong to? The one who shouted ’my son’? Who was she?"

Shit. Stay shut, mouth. Don’t answer it. Don’t say anything. My mind jumped, urging me to answer. I am fighting. I am fighting with all my might. Begone Thot, er.. I mean, thought.

Don’t give up, Racis. Don’t answer anything.

"Answer ME!!" Malthus shouted and his loud voice...

"That was my grandma."

Broke my mind.