Fight, Flight, or Freeze: The Healer's Story
Chapter 55: All That Mattered

Chapter 55: All That Mattered

"Don’t worry," I said, looking at the ultrasound machine. I was sitting in one of the little rooms inside of the ER, running the wand of the machine over a very pregnant belly.

The woman had come in complaining about stomach pains and that she hadn’t counted as many kicks today as there was yesterday. In fact, her biggest concern was that there was almost no movement from the fetus.

She was 37 weeks along, so the baby would probably come in another three weeks, if not sooner. But since it was her first, she was rightfully concerned.

"The baby is happy and content," I continued, staring at the screen. The heart rate was well within acceptable range, I could see movement, and there was no danger of the umbilical cord wrapping around the infant’s neck.

The mother’s blood pressure was good, so were her sugars, and there were no signs of swelling.

Both mom and baby were doing well.

"Do you know what you are having?" I asked. I didn’t want to blurt something out if they didn’t know. I didn’t know how the normal techs did it all the time.

"No," replied the mom, shaking her head as she looked at her husband. "We want to be surprised. We don’t care if it is a boy or a girl, as long as it’s healthy."

The smile on my face never faltered, but I hated that answer more than anything else. I knew she was trying to be virtuous. In a country where males were more welcomed than females, to say that they didn’t care made them that much better than those parents who did.

But to say that all you cared about was that it was healthy was like nails on a chalkboard. Did that mean if the child was born with a missing limb that they wouldn’t want it? Or, God forbid, the baby was sick? Would they get rid of it then? What happened if it had Down syndrome or autism? Did that still count as a healthy baby, or would they try to terminate it?

I could feel the rage inside of me bubbling under my skin, threatening to erupt at any moment.

I had a condition that no one knew about... adenomyosis... so getting pregnant was going to be hard for me. In fact, my personal doctor had suggested a complete hysterectomy in order for me to manage the constant pain.

I refused, which meant that I was in pain more days than I wasn’t. But I wanted nothing more than to have my own baby. And I could promise you; I wouldn’t care if it was a boy or a girl, if it was healthy or sick.

It would be mine. And that was more than enough to have me love it for the rest of its life.

Mind you, it would break my heart if my son or daughter was sick, but it wouldn’t make me love them less.

"That is the best attitude to take," I said softly as I gently wiped the gel off of the woman’s stomach. "I wish everyone thought like that."

I wanted to scream and rage, but I held it back.

People only wanted to deal with a sweet, kind woman. So, I would just bite my tongue.

"Thank you," said the woman as she reached out and took my hand. "Are you married?"

I shook my head, but I showed her my engagement ring. "Soon enough," I smiled.

"You will be such a good mother," continued the woman, tears coming to her eyes.

Lord, save me from emotional pregnant women. It seemed like any time a woman got pregnant; she wanted all the other women around her to be pregnant too. It was like a happy couple trying to set you up on a blind date just so you could be as happy as they were.

"Thank you," I smiled. "But I am going to discharge you right now. The baby is going to do what it wants to do, but if you have any other concerns, anything at all, please come back."

"We will," assured the father, taking his wife’s hand and kissing her knuckles as he stroked her hair. "Thank you for everything."

"It is my absolute pleasure," I answered, standing up and slipping through the door to give the couple some privacy.

"Doctor Wang?" asked one of the day shift nurses. I had completely forgotten her name; I was horrible at remembering them.

"Yes?" I replied, coming to a stop so I could give her my complete attention. I had been pulled into the director’s office back in City Z for continuing to walk while someone was speaking to me. I guess they felt that I was being arrogant because I wouldn’t stop to listen to whatever it was they were saying.

So, I learned. Those who were older than me expected me to drop everything to listen to them. And since everyone was older, it became a habit.

"We have an incoming ambulance. A pedestrian was struck in a crosswalk, and the driver didn’t bother to stop. She is 28 years old, no next of kin that we could find. She was unconscious and unresponsive on scene, but her heart rate is steady."

"Understood, thank you for letting me know." What I really wanted to do was roll my eyes and ask why she thought I had to stop what I was doing for that. I was not the only doctor in this department. I was the one running it. Any of the other doctors could have been waiting at the door for the bus.

But no. I couldn’t say that. It might come off as being abrasive and unappreciative. Heaven forbid that happened.

"Of course, Doctor," she smiled before turning around and going back to her desk.

"Doctor Tang, I am going to leave the incoming bus to you," I said as I spotted one of the doctors leaning against the nurse’s desk, flirting with one of the day shift nurses.

"I’m a bit busy," he snapped back, never taking his eyes off of the woman.

I wanted to speak out. To point out that he was just a douche with more STIs than one of the girls that came to me for treatment, but I bit my tongue.

It really wouldn’t surprise me if, one of these days, I bit my tongue clean off.

I opened my mouth, but before I could say anything, the screaming sirens of the ambulance echoed in the ER, making me run toward the doors.

A patient needed me, and that was all that mattered.