Fight, Flight, or Freeze: The Healer's Story
Chapter 50: I Had Made My Bed

Chapter 50: I Had Made My Bed

In an ideal world, Bai Long Qiang would have stayed by my side for a month before he had to go back to the base in City D, but one thing this world had in common with mine was that it wasn’t an ideal world.

"I’ll be back as soon as I can," said Bai Long Qiang as he stood in front of me. I looked up at him and smiled, but I knew that it didn’t reach my eyes.

"Go," I said, gently pushing him away. I wanted to give him a long list of things that he needed to do, like sending me a message when he got back to City D or calling me when he got home.

But the last person I said that to never made it home.

So, instead of saying what I wanted, I would bite my tongue and not say anything.

"I will be safe," he said as if he could read my mind. But let’s face it, most people thought they would be fine until they weren’t.

"I know," I replied as I pushed his even closer to the door and the taxi waiting on the other side.

"I will call you," he continued, picking up his backpack and throwing it over his shoulder.

"I know."

"I will be back."

"I know."

"I love you."

My body froze at his words. "I know." I could feel his love for me down to my very bones. And while I might have doubted him for a while, I never doubted his word.

"I’ll give you a call as soon as I get home. And every day after that. I will be calling you and texting you so much that you won’t have time to worry about the Major," he growled and kissed my forehead.

I smiled at that but didn’t say anything. Instead, I opened the door and pushed him out.

Cheng Bo Jing was... someone I would always have time for.

-----

Time flew by, and before I knew it, I was on a flight back to City D after a very tearful goodbye from Mercy Hospital.

I had ended up staying longer there than I was originally supposed to. I had spent my eighteenth birthday with the director and his wife, not wanting to go back to the city that held so many memories for me. But at the end of the day, I was now an adult and needed to go back.

"I will be there to pick you up. Don’t go anywhere until you see me, okay?" asked Cheng Bo Jing for the hundredth time. I let out a low laugh as I walked toward my gate.

"Yes, yes, Lao Tie," I said, the smile on my face so big my cheeks were actually hurting.

"I’ll take you to Bai Long Qiang’s as soon as you get here. He and the rest of the team should be home in a few days, and then we will plan a welcome party for you."

"I still can’t believe that you didn’t go with the others," I muttered, shaking my head. How Cheng Bo Jing and Bai Long Qiang ended up on the same team, I had no idea. The two were like oil and water, but somehow, it worked.

"Nope, instead, I got the best job of all. I get to pick you up at the airport," chuckled Cheng Bo Jing. There seemed to be something in his words... a joke that I wasn’t party to.

"You know, I could have just taken a taxi to the house, right?" I reminded him as I put my carry-on bag down on the floor by my feet and sat down. I had about an hour before my flight started boarding.

Taking a sip from the coffee in my hand, I leaned back and closed my eyes.

"You still there?" asked Cheng Bo Jing, his voice dropping a few octaves when I stayed quiet for a few minutes.

"I’m here," I answered.

"Talk to me," he demanded. His voice was still deep and soft, but I knew that I wouldn’t get away with disobeying him.

"I haven’t been back to City D in six years," I said. Now, it was his turn to stay quiet as he processed my words. That was the best thing about talking to him; he never just spat out an answer. He always took the time to think about what I said.... Or didn’t say.

"It’s both a long time and a short time away," he replied after a few minutes.

"It is a lifetime," I countered softly. I had spent just as long in City Z as I had spent in City D. And at least City Z didn’t have any demons lingering around. How was I supposed to go back to the place that reminded me of Mom and Dad?

"What do you need?"

That was it. So simple and yet so complicated.

"I think that is the problem. I don’t know what I need," I said honestly. My brain seemed to refuse to work past what it took to get on the airplane.

"Then I will be beside you until you figure that out."

"I don’t think that is possible, Colonel," I laughed, but I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes.

"Watch me," was all he said before the announcement came on that my plane was boarding. "I’ll see you in six hours."

"See you then."

I hung up the phone and looked down at it for a moment.

I think my biggest problem with going back to City D was my growing feelings toward Cheng Bo Jing. It was so much easier to bury my head in the sand and pretend that we were nothing more than friends when there was a whole country between us.

Letting out a long sigh, I grabbed my bag and stood up. I wouldn’t betray Bai Long Qiang like that. I could suppress my feelings for Cheng Bo Jing. I mean, it would kill me when he got a girlfriend... let alone a wife....

But I had made my bed, and now I must lie in it.

Fight, flight, freeze, or fuck. I couldn’t fight my feelings, I could no longer run from them, and I definitely couldn’t fuck him. So, I would have to simply freeze my feelings until I no longer had them.

I laughed at myself and shook my head. He was mine. To know I couldn’t have him was like a wound that wouldn’t stop bleeding.

I walked onto the airplane and sat down in my seat. It was a good thing I was getting used to living in constant pain.