Fight, Flight, or Freeze: The Healer's Story
Chapter 45: Left To Pick Everything Up

Chapter 45: Left To Pick Everything Up

43.

My respect for my grandfather continued to rise with each hour that passed. The butler, Peng Fei, was an extremely competent man who was able to take charge of everything and made sure it was perfect. At least Grandpa was smart to hire him all those years ago. I don’t know what I would have done without him.

I stood, dressed in a black dress, with black nylons and Mary Jane shoes, between the coffins of my mother and grandfather at the funeral home, watching the people who kept coming up to me, offering me their condolences.

It was nothing but bullshit as far as I was concerned. Women sat in row after row, crying daintily into Kleenex, their eyes darting around to see what the others in the room were doing. If someone was crying harder than them, they would all of a sudden act as if they could no longer live without my grandfather around.

It was nothing but a joke... and I couldn’t even laugh.

I gripped my phone behind my back, trying to prevent myself from checking the app for the hundredth time since I arrived in this building. At this point, there was really no need to bother. The red dot representing Bai Long Qiang hadn’t moved. He was about 30 minutes away at the military base... doing whatever it was that he did there.

Three and a half years... my parents dead... my grandparents dead... and he was 30 minutes away.

I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed as I refused to shed the tears that were gathering in my eyes. It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything was fine. Maybe he was just getting ready to come... maybe he couldn’t get the time off... maybe...

Maybe I had dreamed everything that happened between us, and now that we are on opposite sides of the country, he no longer cares...

I let out a small breath. Maybe I had never really woken up six years ago. Maybe all of this was nothing more than a world I had created in my mind as I lay in a hospital bed, machines keeping me alive.

Maybe this whole world was nothing but a dream...

I felt a firm hand on my shoulder. I took in another breath and nodded my head at Peng Fei as I watched General Bai and Patriarch Bai walking into the room, their military uniform standing out against the sea of black and white.

"My dear, I am so sorry for your loss," said the patriarch as he gripped my hands in his old, wrinkled ones.

I nodded my head and smiled at him, unable to get past the lump in my throat as I looked past the men to see if Bai Long Qiang had come with them.

"I’m sorry, he is out of the country on assignment. You know he would be here if he could," said General Bai as his father released my hands.

"Of course," I croaked as what little hope I had in my heart completely shattered. "Thank you for coming."

He was out of the country on assignment... 30 minutes away at the base. Yup. I believed that.

Four caskets were lined up with me in the center: my Mom and Dad to my right and my grandparents to my left. And the only person I thought I had left in the world was 30 minutes away.

And his dad just lied for him.

I guess the mask I was desperately trying to cling to was cracking because the Bai men nodded their heads and stepped to the side to say goodbye to my family.

I closed my eyes and bit my bottom lip, cutting through the scab that had just managed to stop the bleeding a few hours ago.

The precise clicking of military shoes echoed in the room like their owner and I were the only ones in the room. My head snapped up, only to see a man in a Ground Forces dress uniform walking toward me. His hat was tucked under his arm, and his white gloves flashed with every step he took.

He stopped in front of me and saluted me before dropping to his knees.

"Oh, Sweetheart, I am so sorry," he said, putting his hat down and pulling me into his embrace.

I burst out into sobs, completely unable to control myself. He was the first person to hug me since Mom left on the plane.

I might not have any idea who this man was, and frankly, I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around him and, buried my face in his neck and cried like my world had just ended. Because it had.

He spoke to me softly, and I had no idea what he was saying. But his voice, combined with the slow strokes up and down my back gave me more comfort than I thought possible right now.

He didn’t say the same words as everyone else... Didn’t offer me his condolences, nothing. He just kept soothing me until I could get myself back under control.

"I’m sorry," I sniffed, taking a step back and looking at him. I had no idea who he was, other than he was in the military and might be in his mid-twenties. And as stupid as it sounded, it was taking everything inside of me not to crawl into his lap and let him deal with everything.

"Don’t be. Only an idiot would think that you would be okay after something like this happened to you," he assured me, keeping his hands on my upper arms to make sure I was steady.

"Did you know Grandpa?" I asked, cocking my head to the side. I wanted to keep talking to him, just so he wouldn’t leave.

"Unfortunately, I didn’t," he answered. "I was there when it happened. I am so sorry I couldn’t do more."

I shrugged my shoulders. "At least there is some... consolation... in knowing that they didn’t suffer," I said with a smile. That was what everyone was telling me at least. That I should take comfort in the fact that it happened so fast.

"I think you and I both know that’s bullshit," he said, leaning forward so he was whispering in my ear. "They might have gone in peace, but you are the one left to pick up everything after."

I could feel the tears starting again as I nodded my head. At least he understood.